Friday, February 27, 2009

 

Absurd! Illogical!

(7)?
I take it as a compliment that the jewish Queer Walter L Gerash has directed his perverse minions to interfere with my blog. It is a challenge. Will I be able to keep the pathetically stupid little Jewish bastards out of my blog by not exiting? I think so. Therefore I will continue this post without leaving for another window. Will it work? We shall see. I was intending to quote Rajneesh in The Mustard Seed on page 129. The title of the chapter is, Absurd! Illogical! I quote:
----------
'One of the most puzzling problems has been: what will happen to the sinners, those who have gone astray? What is the relationship between the divine and the sinner? Is the sinner going to be punished? Is there going to be a hell? Because all the priests have been insisting that the sinner is going to be thrown into hell, he is to be punished. But can God punish anybody? Is there not compassion enough? And if God cannot forgive, then who will be able to forgive? (My italics.)
'Many answers have been given but Jesus' answer is the most beautiful. Before we enter into this saying, many other things have to be understood, they will give you the background.'
 

The Mustard Seed

(7)
Obviously there was somebody in Blogger with me who was determined to fuck up the most recent post below,**- Looks like I will have to sign off*----- at 2020. I am clearly 'in a room' with an obsessed Jewish queer.
 

Psychology, Drugs, and Mysticism

(5)-
Some of you might be surprised by my assertion that 'Jesus and I are philosophical buddies.' But we are. Really. The proof of this is very complex and furthermore requires a sophisticated understanding of human nature. Jesus had a human side: He was born, lived, and died. He was even circumcised! (But Jesus and I part company belothat Jesus discovered me: quite the contrary, I discovered Jesus in a book written by a 'mystic' titled, The Mustard Seed. Highly recommended. The author does a magnificant job of going to the root of religion and relating Christianity to Eastern religions like Buddhism. Indeed, the author blends Christianity with Buddhism and produces a synergy which is exceeded only by the introduction of LSD to that complex mix. I should point out that LSD is not mentioned, and that only I (to my knowlege) relate the three. And not that I agree totally with Jesus. Jesus seemed to believe in Eternal Punishment. I don't. Only the Jewish god WHTZSNM could think in terms of Eternal Punishment and like the idea.
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Absurd! Illogical!
One of the most puzzling problems has been--*-*******************************************-****************************************-**********************************************---
 

Keeping Warm in a Cold Universe


(4)

I immediately called Jesus, of course, since we're philosophical buddies, so to say.
----------
js: Hello?
me: Our friends tell me You wanted me to contact You.
js: Right! But I hesitate to mention the subject...
me: Does it relate to my previous upload?
js: Yes! I was so very impressed with that glorious (static) in the previous photo, and it served to significantly increase my average body temperature out here. But I need more (static). Do you bychance have any more (static)?
me: I do indeed. Shall I upload?
js: Please do!
----------
(I upload the above image)
----------
js: Oh My (static)!
me: I agree. Warm up! We live in a cold, cold universe. By the way, have you found anything in Your spaceship with the label, 'thermostat?'
js: Um... yes... gotta go now. Call me next month.
me: will do.
----------

 

The Brown Telephone

(3)
----------
me: I am referring to petro-chemicals, an extremely valuable commodity nowadays; not olive oil.
gd: Petro-what?
me: Chemicals.
gd: If you continue with this gibberish I will hang up.
me: Ever heard of Personal Lubricants?
gd: You have just crossed the line with me! I hereby damn you irrevocably to Hell forever! (hangs up)
----------
Lucky me! In festive mood I decided to call Lucifer. Lucifer answered immediately:
----------
lu: Hello?
me: I've been damned to Hell forever.
lu: Glorious! How did you manage it!?
me: Asked Him about 'personal lubricants.'
lu: What a genius you are! Congratulations! You'll be pleased to know that the average temperature here is 78 degrees F.
me: Pants-peeing weather!
lu: Indeed it is. Tell me: How did you manage it?
me: Asked Him about 'personal lubricants.'
lu: Ooooooo... Brilliant!!! May I tell your friends?
me: Please limit that information to Omar, Albert, Ludwig, and Amadeus. I dont want to start a frenzy.
lu: Wise decision. I will request full secrecy, but you know Omar and Amadeus: They can be children sometimes...
me: No problem. Leaks are inevitable. Give them all my regards.
lu: Done. By the way, I talked to Jesus recently. Wants you to give Him a call.
me: Will do. Sayorara!
----------
 

I Hate Lubricants

(2)
I just noticed that last week I had neglected to contact the Jewish god WHTZSNM concerning Middle East oil and the distribution thereof. Might as well get that job out of the way now. I dialed 666 on the Brown Telephone and extended the antenna. God answered immediately:
----------
gd: Hello?
me: Missed again, Idiot.
gd: I'll get you eventually. Count on it.
me: I'm sure. You busy at the moment?
gd: No more than usual. Got some news for Me?
me: Oil. It's a big deal on Earth nowadays.
gd: I've noticed. What else is new?
me: We are curious about why You gave all that oil to the Muslims.
gd: Muslims?
me: Enemies of the Jews. They surround The Promised Land and are threatening to outfuck The Chosen People.
gd: Oil? You mean olive oil? I hate olive oil. I selected The Land of Israel after careful consideration based on Lucifer's maps of the region showing huge amounts of oil except in Israel.
me: Oil is a lubricant.
gd: No koshitzski. I hate lubricants.
me: I take it You are referring to the efficacy of lubrication vis masturbation?
gd: Exactly. I hate it, especially for My Chosen People. I hate to watch my Chosen People masturbate.
me: Then don't watch!
gd: I have to watch. It's My job. And they are My Chosen People.
----------
 

Oops!

(1)

Oh dear! Looks like I overdid it a bit last Friday night. My apologies to all, especially to Rick Santelli, who is actually one of my favorites on CNBC. As far as Jewish financial (hence political) dominance is concerned, I stand by the idea UFN. But Jews are only exercising a tribal talent which anti-Semitic forces pushed onto them hundreds of years ago: denied many of the more 'normal' economic pursuits back in those days, Jews were left with the jobs Christians tended to reject, and they eventually became quite good at it. It is no coincidence that many Jewish last names are, for example, 'Gold,' Silver,' 'Diamond,' etc., and that Jews place an unusually high value on the acquisition of wealth: it was social evolution in action. That said, it is nevertheless clear to me that Jewish cultural dominance is not a very good idea (check the nearest penis) for several reasons, not the least of which is the unfortunate fact that the Jewish god WHTZSNM had no idea where all that oil was hiding when He chose (current) Israel as 'the promised land.' The result is that the Dumb Bastard gave all that oil to the Muslims! Yeesh. The Muslims see it as 'a gift from God,' and they are, in a certain sense, correct! Meanwhile, the Israelis have American largesse as compensation (I just did a Wiki search for 'aid to israel' and found that my address bar had disappeared. I suspect Judeo-faggot hackery. If you wish to see what I wanted to link to, type 'aid to israel' into Google or Wikipedia.)

Friday, February 20, 2009

 

We Will Never Meet

(6)
Late evening on Friday night. I have been able to determine that I am not at risk of dying in the near future of colon cancer. On the other hand my stock portfolio is waaay down. Good news is that I have imbibed a huge amount of booze, with the result that I am in a loving mood at the moment: I love. I love unconditionally. I even love Jews. Furthermore I am doing my weekly blog. My readers will read my blog over the weekend. Many of my readers are Jewish.
I often speculate about the motivations of my readers: are they predominately Jewish? No? Predominately skin-head-white racists? No? Predominately Atheist? No? Agnostic? No? Southern Baptist? No?
I wonder about this only about .00015 percent of the time or less. In short, I don't really give a shit who my readers are. I only know that I have readers! And I love my readers, whomever they are. My readers love me because they read me. I love my readers for the same reasons: we interact emotionally. We love each other. Why?
Because we are Human. Only Human.
 

Yasss!

(5)
In view of the prognostications below I need to advise my beloved Jewish admirers to convert to Christianity as soon as possible. You owe it to your progeny. Israel will eventually flounder amidst the 'demographic problem' (otherwise known as the 'outfuck problem'): Israel will be outfucked by the neighboring Arab population unless Israel bans circumcision immediately. Jewish tribal-cultural mores must be revised in the interests of tribal survival! Don't say I didn't warn you. Hear this: Fuck your collective Jewish brains out! Sooner is better. Otherwise you will die, and you will die forever, and your stupid little god will die with you. (Not that I don't think that is a good idea.) Use, as your tribal objective, the principle that your tribe must intend toward average human morality: you are not yet incorrigible!
This brings me to the end of tonight's 'tirade.' I have finished most of my alloted booze. I am sipping on my last beer, but I have considerable whiskey rescources waiting in the wings if necessary. Hmmm... Shall I contact the Jewish god WHTZSNM?
Yassss!
 

Jewish Monetary Values

(4)
5. America responds to an attack from Afghanistan by attacking Iraq! Worldwide Jewry celebrates American stupidity. European allies go, 'Huh?!' Intelligent, knowlegable Americans go, 'Huh?!' Dumbass Americans begin renaming 'french fries,' 'american fries.' The worldwide Jewish Establishment celebrates a stunning victory over abject American stupidity.
6. The war in Iraq goes downhill. Meanwhile TJT celebrates yet another boon: the mortgage scam. American 'morality' is flowering in the absense of law, and the result is pure evil. GWB has no clue as TJT reaps huge benefits from the lack of financial rules. The FED and the SEC, both Jew-dominated, fail to protect average Americans in favor of Jewish Americans who dominate the financial industry. Jews become richer and richer as average Americans become poorer and poorer.
7. The Mortgage Bubble bursts during 2007. The world economy collapses as a result. But American Jewry has made out like bandits! Per-capita, Jews are now the wealthiest tribe of all. The result is that Jews, as a tribe, dominate the Western World's economy. Prove me wrong if you can...
It is very true that China and India will replace The International Jew in the next decade as America's most adversarial 'pardners.' Sheer numbers will prove overwhelming in that regard. International Jewry will decline rapidly as a result. And good riddance!
 

Nibble, Nibble!

(3)
As a stock market player I was horrified yesterday by the emotional outburst of Rick Santelli, dumbass Italian 'commodities expert' on CNBC. Santelli had no business, in my opinion, voicing his objections to the O'Bama Bailout of the mortgage industry. Thumbs down on Santelli and CNBC for presenting such an emotion-filled tirade lacking totally in logic. I say, 'Fire the dumb bastard.' Maybe he can get a job in Rome working for Pope Benedict as a media consultant. But... maybe not.
Reading the above, you can be forgiven for jumping to the conclusion that my portfolio is waaay down at the moment, and you would be correct. It is currently down 5 percent. But amazingly I was still buying as the afternoon progressed! Am I an optimist?! Guess so. Nibble, nibble! I am a fish, nibbling at the bait... Tastes pretty good so far... But we shall see...
That said, I hasten to affirm the concept of 'freedom of opinion' everywhere, even on CNBC.
Here is my drunken Synopsis of the causes of the current crisis:
1. Alan Greenspan, Dumbass Jew, reads Atlas Shrugged and believes the dumb bitch author who knows nothing about economics; eventually becomes idiologically enmeshed. (At this point I did a search on both Google and Wikipedia, neither of which worked. I conclude that I am being 'censored' by Jewish forces. Blogger seems to be working, however. Strange...)
2. Greenspan becomes head of the Fed. Jewish financial forces resist governmental regulation during the Clinton Administration. The Tech Bubble bursts in 2001. Stocks nosedive. Jewish financial forces under Greenspan resist Governmental oversight because the Jewish Tribe is making lots of money. It is a tribal thing which goes unnoticed in American economic circles.
3. The Jewish Establishment manages to elect the most ignorant dumbass Texan in history to the presidency. They have a backup in the VP candidate for the Democrat Party Lieberman, senator from Israel. The Jewish Tribe cannot lose this election!
4. TJT manages to derail the logical American response to 9-11 away from Afghanistan to Iraq. They convince most dumbass Americans - using Jew-dominated American media, that 9-11 was actually an Iraqi plot orchestrated by Saddam Hussein. The Jewish objective was to get significant American forces in place near Israel, in order to protect Israel and to set the USA on a course toward securing The Promised Land for worldwide Jewry. It worked. Indeed, The Jewish Establishment actually convinced the dumbass GWB that God had engineered his ascenscion to the presidency for that very purpose!
 

The Colonoscopy

(2)
Monday goes downhill rapidly from there: begin drinking Colyte at 1500: nine glasses in two hours. Begin pooping at 1630. Poop until about 1830 (?) Bed at 2100.
Tuesday. Up at 0445. Four more glasses of Colyte. More pooping. Head for Kaiser at 0715, clean as a whistle. Check into the Colonoscopy department right on time. Name called. Head for the examination room with Kootch. Nurse objects to Kootch's presence. I explain that Doctor R has always allowed Kootch to witness the procedure and that he will not object (he doesn't). Nurse gives me gown, tells me to remove clothes except for shirt and socks, put on gown. I do it. Nurse gets chair for Kootch. Colonoscope is already turned on. Two video screens show the view. Room is well-ordered, well organized, very professional. Much better that two years ago. My mood improves considerably. Nurse wants to insert needle into my right hand. I direct her to use the vein in my right arm instead. She complies, but then recklessly stabs me too deeply, exiting the large vein on the other side. It hurts. Nurse tells me not to move, in effect blaming me for her mistake. I remain silent. After several minutes, nurse succeeds in taping down the needle and starting the IV. I develop an intense dislike for that Nurse. I figure she is Jewish. Doctor R enters and stands by the gurney and grasps my right hand. I remember this from last time and the other times. He holds my hand as we speak about the upcoming procedure. Excellent 'bedside manner!' I relax. (You may recall that I fired doctor R two years ago after he allowed me to view neither the Upper Endoscopy nor the Colonoscopy, and furthermore sedated me suddenly and way too much. But doctor R is a hard man to fire.) We begin. I barely detect the low dose of Demerol. He carefully moves the tip of the device up the sigmoid colon, then the across the transverse colon, then finally down the descending colon. I say something like, 'You go in quickly, then come out slowly, inspecting carefully on the way out!' He agrees, then points out the entrance to the large intestine, followed by the the appendix as he slowly withdraws the Colonoscope. The entrance to my appendix resembles a vulva. I would never have recognized it. Looks very healthy. Near the site of the previous colon dissection there is a small polyp. He snips it. There are also two slightly reddish nodes where the colon was joined. He snips them also. All three snips bleed slightly. Nothing alarming. The inspection continues without comment until he reaches the the general area where the colon becomes the rectum. He mentions that this general area is the 'most muscular part of the colon.' He points out several 'holes' in the wall (diverticulae). It was this general area which became extremely painful several months ago after my friday night beer sessions, prompting me to seek advice from doctor C. None of the sites appeared to be inflamed. Then he withdraws the colonoscope. It is over! Whew! He tells me to return for another look in three years; and due to the fact that I remained more or less lucid during the entire procedure he advised me that he would not be doing his usual follow-up in the 'fart-recovery room.' I thanked the good doctor and we said goodbye. Good man! I am a fan once again.
 

Trust Nobody

(1)
Whew. What a week. It all began on monday morning...
I went to Kaiser for my pre-colonoscopy protime test. That done, I made my way upstairs to the pharmacy and got in line. Mission: acquire a replacement for the Colyte I had bought the previous week. Reason: the seal was obviously broken. Something noxious might have been added to the mix. I requested a replacement based on the broken seal. Request denied because it was a prescription. I needed to get another prescription. Barf. Reconsideration. The Head Dude was called. HD explained that the seal was often broken by the consumer who often removed the top in a violent manner, breaking the seal, and that I should not worry about the broken seal because I was almost certainly the culprit who broke the seal. I insist on a new bottle anyway. Irritating. 'Did you bring the broken Colyte?' No. Go home and bring it back and we will replace it. I go home and bring back the broken bottle. A brand new bottle is waiting for me. My name is pasted on the new bottle. I give them the old bottle. HD then opens the new bottle violently, apparently breaking the seal. 'See what I mean?' says HD. I explain once again that I will not accept a bottle with a broken seal: Give me a new bottle. Do not open the bottle. Let me open the bottle. HD caves in, gives me a new bottle. No name on it. I open it carefully. The seal is intact. I accept the new bottle. End of incident. Yeeesh...
Background: I had asked the woman who gave me the Colyte to check the seal. She opened the bottle in front of me. The seal appeared to be intact but I did not actually verify that. I then made the mistake of leaving the bottle in the car as I shopped at King Soopers for about 30 minutes before going home - plenty of time for Mad Mirror Molester to enter the car and break the seal. I discover the broken seal that afternoon. The seal is attached by about 1/8 inch of glue. I decide to replace it on tuesday of the next week.
Lesson learned: Assume that MMM is still on the job after all these years... trust nobody.

Friday, February 13, 2009

 

Universal Vulva


(4)

Time for me to wrap this up, but first I need to present a glorious photograph of a glorious woman. I selected this particulat photo because it exhibited 'Valentine Colors.' Not only that, the woman is what I call a, 'cutsie-wootsie.' I especially like her fat vulva, being, as I am, a 'vulva afficionado.' I've licked more than one vulva! Interestingly, they all tasted pretty much the same... German... American... Japanese...
Apparently, pussy is pussy the world around. I don't recall the smell, if any, but the taste is unforgetable.

 

Embracing Reality

(3)

Much in the news recently is the subject of airplane crashes. Such crashes are occasionally tragic, as was today's example of an airplane known for 'ice intolerance.' Hmm. Can I do an article on the recent water landing in the Hudson River? Lessee...

----------

New York City, NY -

The hero-pilot of the recent crash in the Hudson River gives an exclusive interview to WTVR TV News tonight at ten PM. Be sure to tune in for the most recent version of an ongoing national story. In our 'leakage segment' this evening we present the following video clips for your eventual edification. Be advised that the following clips are only excerpts of the entire astonishing interview which spans a full 15 minutes:
..........

WTVR: What went through your mind when you realized that your only 'runway' was a river?
SULI: 'Wahoo! We got it snock-jockered!'
WTVR: Is that an actual quote from your conscious mind?
SULI: Exactly. I remember it to this very second. It was the most memorable realization of my life!' I knew at that point that we were all home free...
WTVR: What gave you such a degree of confidence?
SULI: A single flight back in the '70's. It was my only flight in an amphibian. I did a water landing on Marston Reservoir, and my instructor must have been something of a prophet.
WTVR: Prophet?
SULI: Prophet! He said to me at the time that if I ever did a water landing, the most important thing to remember was not to lower the landing gear: 'Water loves smoothness. Water is violenty reactive to sudden changes, but flows readily with time. Remember not to lower the gear!'
WTVR: How were his words prophetic?
SULI: I remembered and applied his advice to the most recent landing. The result speaks for itself.
 

Schlubing Toward Valentine's Day

(2)
And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. This brings us to the subject of tonight's Onionesque. The content relates to my situation of having been married to the same woman for more that 50 years: What do you do on February 14th when you've been married to the same woman for more than 50 years? Good question. The following Onionesque article suggests one possible answer:
----------
Denver, CO - Responding to a random selection by local television media this morning, a Denver man agreed to discuss his choice of 'Valentine's Day present' for his wife of 50 years whom he lovingly calls, 'Hotzee-Wotzee.' The encounter took place on Friday 13th just outside a local King Soopers supermarket this morning. The subject of the interview, Shawn Sweeny Schlubub, agreed to answer questions on-camera:
NEWS: We understand that you have just bought your wife of 50 years a Valentine's Day present.
SSS: Yes indeed! What a glorious opportunity! I love Valentine's Day. Last year's choice was so well received that I determined to repeat it again this year.
NEWS: Can you 'spill the beans' so to say, or is your choice a 'family secret' until tomorrow?
SSS: Depends. When will this piece air? Tonight at six?
NEWS: No, no. Tonight at ten PM.
SSS: Alright, then. Hotzee hits the sack about 6PM every night, so she will never see it. Will the ten PM piece be repeated after three AM?
NEWS: No. Ten PM only.
SSS: Wahoo!. Ok. I bought her a section of watermellon, her Valentine favorite. I was struck by the color of redish pink last year as I searched desperately for something - anything - to buy the woman. She loved it and ate it up immediately. What a woman. And it only cost me a dollar sixty nine!
NEWS: Thank you very much Mr... ?
SSS: Schlubub. And thank you! By the way, do I get a fee for this?
----------
 

Friday The Thirteenth

(1)
TgIF again. Life since my last blog entry has been pretty 'normal,' except that gas and radiation have increased. Gaswise, my vocal chords are often swollen during the day, probably because of low-level gas which does not produce acute symptoms but is detectable when speaking. Intake fans are usually off during cold weather and this allows gas buildup. Radiationwise, there was quite a violent reaction to last Friday's posts. IRFS (itching radiation, face, scalp) became so extreme that the skin on my forehead began peeling and a sore developed on the forehead which needed a small band-aid. I take that as a compliment to my ability to irritate certain Jews with this blog. By the way, I liked the 'Onionesque' segment in last week's edition and plan to continue the series indefinitely. The plan is to do at least one shorter version of a typical 'Onion News' article every week, but not to limit the possible subjects.

There was a significant conjunction of birth dates yesterday: Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln. Interestingly, both men are related by concept in this case: Darwin proposed a theory of progressive change, and Lincoln demonstrated a significant point in that (general) theory: Change happens incrementally, but sometimes suddenly.

ISTwise (Idiot Stock Trader-wise), I am still learning as I go along every day. I will definitely do an Onionesque article on the subject next week. Other possible weekly (or periodical) articles relate to my exclusive line to God via The Brown Telephone... as usual. I like the idea of doing one or more thematic series'.

Friday, February 06, 2009

 

Beautiful Music

(5)
Tonight's more rational segment has passed us by at 2030L, leaving us all with much time to present our more uncontrolled neuronal selves to the outside world. That is to say that here is the segment where we present tonight's 'Link Dump.' Enjoy:
----------
Circumcision.
Palestinian losses.
Nazi Israel?! Be advised before you read this that you are reading one of the few alternative 'takes' on Israel in modern times. Jewish control of modern American Media has made this mouth-watering site an essential source for information free from Jewish domination. American Jew-philia is summarily bypassed on this site. Naughty-naughty!
Mozart vs Saliari. I love this video which astonished me during the movie. What a glorious piece! This piece is actually a Hollywood Confabulation based on Mozart's opera, 'Figaro.' I first witnessed 'Figaro' back in the early '90s' on TV. What beautiful music! When I first witnessed it on my TV set I thought, 'Oh my God! Beautiful!.'
 

I am Become Teaching Idiot

(4)
Morphing, for the moment, to current personal matters, I am happy to report that the 'tuition charge' for my 'Stock Trading Idiot' class is slightly positive. That is to say that I have paid the tuition and eaked out a small profit. In the meantime I have learned, in a most general way, what stock trading is all about. The process involved my particular style of learning, which is a generalized approach to a complex subject: I need a 'big picture' understanding of a complex subject before my emotional brain is willing to devote neural rescources to specific aspects of the subject. This is why I have joked about 'not reading the directions.' My emotional brain needs to 'understand' the 'big picture' before allowing my 'logical brain' to engage in further effort. A better characterization might be that my emotional brain needs to approve of my logical brain's results before it will release further neural rescources on a long term basis: Details make no sense in a vacuum. Therefore basing actions solely on theory is not emotionally satisfying. And I could go on and on as I get drunker and drunker...
But for you prospective Stock Traders out there I offer the following advice:
1. Create an account.
2. Become familiar with the account website.
3. Understand the mileau: Google Finance and CNBC are good places to start.
3. Jump in cautiously with small blocks (100 or less) of cheap (ten dollar or less) stock. Watch those stocks daily. Do not 'stop' your losses at this point: you are - until further notice - a 'long term investor,' and 'stops' will fuck you up! You are in this game from morning to afternoon and you will need to adjust your sleeping habits according. Furthermore you need to realize that this market is at historical lows and that there are only two ways to proceed.
4. Do not hesitate to take a ten percent profit after expenses. You can't go wrong making a profit unless you see yourself as more of an investor than a trader in this particular market.
5. Do not commit more than 25 percent of your cash to this venture. Cash is King at this time. But stay tuned!
 

Onionesque

(3)
DENVER, CO --- Days after undergoing cosmetic surgury to his penis on Valentine's Day, a Denver man expressed complete satisfaction with the result and heaped tons of praise on his Jewish Kaiser Permante physician, who is a Mohel during off-hours. "Whew!" a visibly relieved O'Bannon told reporters at a press conference held two hours after the procedure. "Oh, man. Oh, man! I mean, seriously, I needed that. I needed that one bad." "Damn, man, I'm telling you, that was one seriously high-quality procedure," added O'Bannon, leaning forward in his seat to yawn and crack his neck. That woman is a genius!"
Asked by reporters why he chose Valentine's Day for the procedure, O'Bannon replied, "Because of my upstairs neighbor who is Jewish. What a woman! I am going after that woman!"
Queried further by reporters, O'Bannon revealed that the woman upstairs had been "Sending him signals" for ten years or more, and that he was now "absolutely certain" that she was in love with him. O'Bannon further volunteered that as soon as his penis stopped hurting and regained some of its lost sensitivity, he was going to confront the woman. "That is the plan," said O'Bannon. "I am a believer. But even more than that I am a scientist. Ten years of data is just too much data to be ignored! I know in my heart that she will welcome me into her heart!"
The two women in question could not be reached for comment.
(Full disclosure: Certain phrases in the above article were plagarized from the Onion article, Charles Barkeley Finally Gets That Blowjob.)
 

Putting Lipstick on a Pig

(2)
Before leaving the subject of circumcision for tonight I need to get a little revenge: This business does 'cosmetic circumcision' (a grotesque oxymoron, in my opinion) and proudly displays photographs of recent 'procedures' wherein various unfortunate penises were permanently externalized. The interested reader might want to compare the photographic evidence in this site with (2) below which shows photographs of a normal unmutilated penis. Buyer beware!

The Onion is 'missing in action' on the subject of Circumcision. What an opportunity! I shall now seize the moment to write an 'Onionesque' article on the subject. Hmm. This is such a recently discovered bit of information that I will be doing the article with no preparation. Is that advisable? Could The Onion do a better job? Will they? We shall see. In any case, during my 5th beer tonight I am ready to let my unfettered brain wax creative... Hmmm... There are so many ways to treat this subject! Maybe I'll do a series... Yes! That's it! See the first installment in this series in (3) above.
 

Oh Boy!

(1)
I'm back after another night in the 'microwave,' not as sleep-deprived as last week even though last night's actual sleep was only about six hours. Sleep deprivation yesterday was extreme, which probably accounts for why that six hours was put to such efficient use. Naturally, I am very pissed off.


Be warned that this video contains visual allusions to male masturbation which some viewers might find offensive. The viewer is further advised that the above tune may 'stick in the brain' of some viewers for several days, tending to occult normal viewer unconscious brain activity. Such viewers are well advised not to smoke marijuana for at least four days after viewing this video.
This video came to my attention on the 50th anniversary of Holly's death in a plane crash, a date which has been dubbed, 'The day the Music Died.' Enjoy.

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