Friday, February 13, 2009
Schlubing Toward Valentine's Day
(2)
And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. This brings us to the subject of tonight's Onionesque. The content relates to my situation of having been married to the same woman for more that 50 years: What do you do on February 14th when you've been married to the same woman for more than 50 years? Good question. The following Onionesque article suggests one possible answer:
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Denver, CO - Responding to a random selection by local television media this morning, a Denver man agreed to discuss his choice of 'Valentine's Day present' for his wife of 50 years whom he lovingly calls, 'Hotzee-Wotzee.' The encounter took place on Friday 13th just outside a local King Soopers supermarket this morning. The subject of the interview, Shawn Sweeny Schlubub, agreed to answer questions on-camera:
NEWS: We understand that you have just bought your wife of 50 years a Valentine's Day present.
SSS: Yes indeed! What a glorious opportunity! I love Valentine's Day. Last year's choice was so well received that I determined to repeat it again this year.
NEWS: Can you 'spill the beans' so to say, or is your choice a 'family secret' until tomorrow?
SSS: Depends. When will this piece air? Tonight at six?
NEWS: No, no. Tonight at ten PM.
SSS: Alright, then. Hotzee hits the sack about 6PM every night, so she will never see it. Will the ten PM piece be repeated after three AM?
NEWS: No. Ten PM only.
SSS: Wahoo!. Ok. I bought her a section of watermellon, her Valentine favorite. I was struck by the color of redish pink last year as I searched desperately for something - anything - to buy the woman. She loved it and ate it up immediately. What a woman. And it only cost me a dollar sixty nine!
NEWS: Thank you very much Mr... ?
SSS: Schlubub. And thank you! By the way, do I get a fee for this?
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And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. This brings us to the subject of tonight's Onionesque. The content relates to my situation of having been married to the same woman for more that 50 years: What do you do on February 14th when you've been married to the same woman for more than 50 years? Good question. The following Onionesque article suggests one possible answer:
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Denver, CO - Responding to a random selection by local television media this morning, a Denver man agreed to discuss his choice of 'Valentine's Day present' for his wife of 50 years whom he lovingly calls, 'Hotzee-Wotzee.' The encounter took place on Friday 13th just outside a local King Soopers supermarket this morning. The subject of the interview, Shawn Sweeny Schlubub, agreed to answer questions on-camera:
NEWS: We understand that you have just bought your wife of 50 years a Valentine's Day present.
SSS: Yes indeed! What a glorious opportunity! I love Valentine's Day. Last year's choice was so well received that I determined to repeat it again this year.
NEWS: Can you 'spill the beans' so to say, or is your choice a 'family secret' until tomorrow?
SSS: Depends. When will this piece air? Tonight at six?
NEWS: No, no. Tonight at ten PM.
SSS: Alright, then. Hotzee hits the sack about 6PM every night, so she will never see it. Will the ten PM piece be repeated after three AM?
NEWS: No. Ten PM only.
SSS: Wahoo!. Ok. I bought her a section of watermellon, her Valentine favorite. I was struck by the color of redish pink last year as I searched desperately for something - anything - to buy the woman. She loved it and ate it up immediately. What a woman. And it only cost me a dollar sixty nine!
NEWS: Thank you very much Mr... ?
SSS: Schlubub. And thank you! By the way, do I get a fee for this?
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