Friday, February 20, 2009
The Colonoscopy
(2)
Monday goes downhill rapidly from there: begin drinking Colyte at 1500: nine glasses in two hours. Begin pooping at 1630. Poop until about 1830 (?) Bed at 2100.
Tuesday. Up at 0445. Four more glasses of Colyte. More pooping. Head for Kaiser at 0715, clean as a whistle. Check into the Colonoscopy department right on time. Name called. Head for the examination room with Kootch. Nurse objects to Kootch's presence. I explain that Doctor R has always allowed Kootch to witness the procedure and that he will not object (he doesn't). Nurse gives me gown, tells me to remove clothes except for shirt and socks, put on gown. I do it. Nurse gets chair for Kootch. Colonoscope is already turned on. Two video screens show the view. Room is well-ordered, well organized, very professional. Much better that two years ago. My mood improves considerably. Nurse wants to insert needle into my right hand. I direct her to use the vein in my right arm instead. She complies, but then recklessly stabs me too deeply, exiting the large vein on the other side. It hurts. Nurse tells me not to move, in effect blaming me for her mistake. I remain silent. After several minutes, nurse succeeds in taping down the needle and starting the IV. I develop an intense dislike for that Nurse. I figure she is Jewish. Doctor R enters and stands by the gurney and grasps my right hand. I remember this from last time and the other times. He holds my hand as we speak about the upcoming procedure. Excellent 'bedside manner!' I relax. (You may recall that I fired doctor R two years ago after he allowed me to view neither the Upper Endoscopy nor the Colonoscopy, and furthermore sedated me suddenly and way too much. But doctor R is a hard man to fire.) We begin. I barely detect the low dose of Demerol. He carefully moves the tip of the device up the sigmoid colon, then the across the transverse colon, then finally down the descending colon. I say something like, 'You go in quickly, then come out slowly, inspecting carefully on the way out!' He agrees, then points out the entrance to the large intestine, followed by the the appendix as he slowly withdraws the Colonoscope. The entrance to my appendix resembles a vulva. I would never have recognized it. Looks very healthy. Near the site of the previous colon dissection there is a small polyp. He snips it. There are also two slightly reddish nodes where the colon was joined. He snips them also. All three snips bleed slightly. Nothing alarming. The inspection continues without comment until he reaches the the general area where the colon becomes the rectum. He mentions that this general area is the 'most muscular part of the colon.' He points out several 'holes' in the wall (diverticulae). It was this general area which became extremely painful several months ago after my friday night beer sessions, prompting me to seek advice from doctor C. None of the sites appeared to be inflamed. Then he withdraws the colonoscope. It is over! Whew! He tells me to return for another look in three years; and due to the fact that I remained more or less lucid during the entire procedure he advised me that he would not be doing his usual follow-up in the 'fart-recovery room.' I thanked the good doctor and we said goodbye. Good man! I am a fan once again.
Monday goes downhill rapidly from there: begin drinking Colyte at 1500: nine glasses in two hours. Begin pooping at 1630. Poop until about 1830 (?) Bed at 2100.
Tuesday. Up at 0445. Four more glasses of Colyte. More pooping. Head for Kaiser at 0715, clean as a whistle. Check into the Colonoscopy department right on time. Name called. Head for the examination room with Kootch. Nurse objects to Kootch's presence. I explain that Doctor R has always allowed Kootch to witness the procedure and that he will not object (he doesn't). Nurse gives me gown, tells me to remove clothes except for shirt and socks, put on gown. I do it. Nurse gets chair for Kootch. Colonoscope is already turned on. Two video screens show the view. Room is well-ordered, well organized, very professional. Much better that two years ago. My mood improves considerably. Nurse wants to insert needle into my right hand. I direct her to use the vein in my right arm instead. She complies, but then recklessly stabs me too deeply, exiting the large vein on the other side. It hurts. Nurse tells me not to move, in effect blaming me for her mistake. I remain silent. After several minutes, nurse succeeds in taping down the needle and starting the IV. I develop an intense dislike for that Nurse. I figure she is Jewish. Doctor R enters and stands by the gurney and grasps my right hand. I remember this from last time and the other times. He holds my hand as we speak about the upcoming procedure. Excellent 'bedside manner!' I relax. (You may recall that I fired doctor R two years ago after he allowed me to view neither the Upper Endoscopy nor the Colonoscopy, and furthermore sedated me suddenly and way too much. But doctor R is a hard man to fire.) We begin. I barely detect the low dose of Demerol. He carefully moves the tip of the device up the sigmoid colon, then the across the transverse colon, then finally down the descending colon. I say something like, 'You go in quickly, then come out slowly, inspecting carefully on the way out!' He agrees, then points out the entrance to the large intestine, followed by the the appendix as he slowly withdraws the Colonoscope. The entrance to my appendix resembles a vulva. I would never have recognized it. Looks very healthy. Near the site of the previous colon dissection there is a small polyp. He snips it. There are also two slightly reddish nodes where the colon was joined. He snips them also. All three snips bleed slightly. Nothing alarming. The inspection continues without comment until he reaches the the general area where the colon becomes the rectum. He mentions that this general area is the 'most muscular part of the colon.' He points out several 'holes' in the wall (diverticulae). It was this general area which became extremely painful several months ago after my friday night beer sessions, prompting me to seek advice from doctor C. None of the sites appeared to be inflamed. Then he withdraws the colonoscope. It is over! Whew! He tells me to return for another look in three years; and due to the fact that I remained more or less lucid during the entire procedure he advised me that he would not be doing his usual follow-up in the 'fart-recovery room.' I thanked the good doctor and we said goodbye. Good man! I am a fan once again.
