daily scratchpad

(5)

Before I leave off, so to say, I want to challenge you: I have it on Absolute Certainty from Above that God can be found in the photograph titled, 'Naked Women,' below. Here is the challenge: which of those gloriously beautiful women in the photograph is God?

(Oops. I just realized that there are no African-American women in the photograph. No Asian women either. And there must be another ten ethnic groups at least which were overlooked. Barf. So much for 'certainty.')

Before signing off I need to relate an Irish Joke from Walk This Way:

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guiness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no, Brenda... no."

"No?"

"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

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Nighty-night.

(4)

Which brings us to the idea of 'artificial ecstasy.' It is true that opium (and opiate derivatives like heroin) produce 'ecstasy.' That much is true. But such ecstasy is artificial in the sense that the drug is required in order to repeat said ecstasy. Ecstasy cannot be attained in the absense of the drug. The seeker therefore becomes dependent on an addictive drug.

There is nothing wrong with 'ecstasy.' It has its place in the human domain. Nature allows for 'ecstasy,' but there should be nothing artificial about it. Nature allows for sexual ecstasy, religious ecstasy, and other forms of ecstasy, but Drug Ecstasy is an abberation not likely to be reinforced in Nature due to the singular focus of the phenomenon: one slip and the entire arrangement comes apart resulting in mutual death.

I claim that 'ecstasy' needs to find its place in human culture as a religious/philosophical phenomenon which has its roots in Nature Herself. Religious/philosophical ecstasy ought to be a result of Man meeting Nature. Such ecstasy should tend to reinforce the human position in the scheme of things. 'Natural drugs' should induce a meta-realization of some sort. This realization, combined with other human advances, should tend to prolong human life by producing a meta-realization which can be described as, 'religious,' not to mention 'fortunate.'

I claim that Psilocybin and Mescaline are two such natural life forms. (Not to mention Marijuana!) I furthermore claim that 'God' may well have had Her Hand in the evolution of those drugs (which some of us call, 'Theobotanicals'). I furthermore claim that She so loved The World that She allowed for us to smoke up at our leisure in recent years.

(3)

I just watched the NBC Evening News on TiVo, and there was a story about how the Afghanistan economy favors the production of poppy plants over, say, rice or wheat. Apparently US officials are at a loss concerning how to proceed in this case. I have a simple-minded solution to the problem: buy Afghani opium. Stock up on it. This will raise the price of opium in the short run all over the world, a good thing.

But after a couple or years, begin dumping opium on the international market. The price will plummet. Wheat and rice prices in Afghanistan will skyrocket. Farmers will begin planting wheat and rice again. Following that, continue buying Afghani (and Colombian, etc.) opium. Corner the worldwide market. Control the price. Make the price of opium so unreliable that few farmers in the world will risk growing it. Always have so much opium in hand that you can flood the opium market (hence kill any opium revival), everywhere.

If necessary, American farmers should begin growing opium in the interests of maintaining the national stockpile. European farmers should do the same, as necessary.

I base this suggestion on the fact that you can never eliminate the human desire for 'artificial ecstacy,' but that on the other hand you can control the means by which it propagates, and you can do so in an economical and humane way.

(2)

Continuing with the theme of 'tips from some of my favorite blogs' I was surprised at the news that Pope Benedict may soon declare Limbo obsolete (from Walk This Way, 04-25-07). I like the idea. Even in HS religion class I was put off by the idea that innocent babies and others had no hope of entering paradise. It just didn't make sense: eternal life in Heaven or in Hell could not logically be based on 'the luck of birth.' Greek Logic has found its way to the Vatican! This is a good sign, folks.

And on another tip from Pharyngula, Nightline will air an 'Atheist Debate' on May 5. Should be fun. (I will present one last tidbit (from Walk This Way) when I sign off for the night. Hopefully I will not be too drunk to remember...)

Stephen Hawking got to experience 'zero G' recently. I love that story! I had read one of his books some years ago which described 'Black Holes' and I was very impressed. How fitting that Hawking recently got to experience the precise opposite! Maybe there is a God after all... Hawking thinks that Humanity has no assured future on Earth, and must migrate to survive. I tend to agree. This is an especially important point if you are a believer in reincarnation.

Hooray for Colonel Yingling. This guy shows us that generals eventually become cowards, while colonels lag behind, in the line of fire.

Which brings us to the Democratic Debate. I watched some of it. The high point of the debate was Biden's single word answer ('Yes') to the question concerning whether or not he would be able to control his natural verbiosity in the coming campaign.

(1)

Well, obviously by the time number 7 (below) was written I was fairly inebriated. I will leave it 'as is' by way of warning. My intent was to suggest that WHTZSNM had done enough research to realize that the speed limit in Nature was the speed of light, and had sent Jesus a message to that effect, causing Jesus to increase speed accordingly. I also wanted to make fun of 'prayer' as a means to communicate with God, but screwed it up.

Here are a few tidbits gleaned from a few of my favorite blogs:

Dawkins meets O'Reilly. (on a recent tip from Pharyngula)). I missed this because I don't usually watch Fox. O'Reilly may have skimmed the book but he must not have read it thoroughly. By the way, I am still on it, so to say, it being my current potty book. I am currently at page 312. What a book! I highly recommend this book, which is the subject of the video.

In the Goldilocks Zone. (from MSNBC.com which is not exactly a blog). Although this particular planet is not within the human comfort zone due to its mass (too much gravity - 5 Gs), sea creatures would find it very comfortable. The significance of this discovery is that 'earthlike' planets are probably fairly common and that life is probably common throughout the Universe.

Pussimus Maximus. (warning: naked women. NSFW. From Sonja-Belle.) Wow! What a glorious collection! Each woman is beautiful in her own special way.

(8)

Which brings us to our last subject for tonight: unreasonable human proliferation.

I claim that much of the blame for the explosion in the human population is related to the Jewish idea of sexual mutilation (circumcision). I claim that a male with a natural (unmutilated) penis would sooner jerk off than invest valuable time and rescources in the pursuit of pussy.

This leads logically to the conclusion that circumcision fosters increase in population because an uncircumcised male would rather beat off than fuck the girl next door, the reasoning being that pussy is expensive sociologically (including economically) whereas a simple orgasm is obviously much more frugal on an hourly basis.

Nighty night!

(7)

Rereading the previous posts I felt the urge to communicate with God. You folks out there are in constant contact with God: you only have to pray. But I am not so advantaged. I have no such simple line of communication because I never pray. Each method has advantages and disadvantages:

On the one hand I get an immediate response on the BT (Brown Telephone). On the other hand you must usually wait. I see this difference in procedure in terms of my advantage: god has never failed to answer His brown telephone, whereas you pray-ers out there must sometimes wait for generations for the answers to your questions. In fact, most of your prayers are never answered. I think you will agree with that.

So, in keeping with the theme of the most recent post(s), I dialed up God. I picked up the Brown Telephone and dialed 666. God answered immediately. He seemed to be almost breathless with delight as He answered the telephone:

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gd: Two hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second!
me: Correct.
gd: Wow! Thank you!
me: You are most welcome.
gd: 300,000 kilometers per second!
me: Close enough.
gd: Jesus will arrive in about four years!
me: Well maybe.

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(6)

The Greeks invented logic. The Jews never had any conception of logic. The Greeks were giants compared to the Jews, but the Greeks wrote no bibles, only philosophy. The result is that our 'sacred books' are descended from the ignorant Jews whereas our scientific books are descended from the knowlegable Greeks. Even after two thousand years we - idiots that we are - prefer Jewish nonsense to Greek reason. So sad.

And The Greeks never circumcised their helpless children! The Greeks knew better than to mutilate their children in the name of a dubious god. Indeed, many Jews tried to emulate Greek culture after having arrived in Greece. Those Jews admired the superior Greek penis, having dealt with it for generations. They knew a good thing when they saw one.

Furthermore the Jews knew a good thing when they fucked one... or sucked one. It was very clear to the Jews who found their way to Greece that the mutilated Jewish penis was inferior. Most Jews abandoned that mutilation in an attempt to fit in with Greek Culture. Prove me wrong if you can.

To what can we attribute the skepticism of Greek culture in regard to 'God?'

I think the answer to that question lies in 'diversity.' Diversity fosters cultural variety. Cultural variety fosters cultural growth. Whereas The Jews were locked into a rigid culture based on pleasing one god, the Greeks had to contend with many gods. The result was that no one idea dominated Greek culture as the Greeks tried to please (or not please!) all gods. The idea of one god never took hold with the Greeks. This attitude allowed the Greeks to invent philosophy in general and logic in particular.

And screw the gods!

(5)

Which brings us to tonight's list:
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Virginia State Police: grinning skull?
Chess in Iraq: the futility of hope.
Don't fuck, jerk off!
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The reference to VSP refers to the observed fact that, viewed from a distance or through a slight blur, the insignia of the Virginia State Police very much resembles a smiling skull. Question: is that a mere coincidence? Or on the other hand was that the effect intended by the designer?

Chess in Iraq... refers to 'human hope.' We all love hope. 'Hope springs eternal within the Human breast...' Etcetera and etcetera.

We name our children, 'Hope.' We name our children, 'Faith.' We name our children, Charity.' 'Hope' is good, we think.

But can there be too much hope? Too much of a good thing? I think so. I see excessive hope on the chessboard every day and every night as I 'teach chess' on Comcast. The chess beginner has eternal hope, and will not resign even in the face of overwhelming logic. The chess beginner hopes for a draw by stalemate. I have seen it a hundred times. The chess beginner refuses to accept the inevitable, hoping against hope for the extremely unlikely. The seasoned chess player, on the other hand, recognizes the inevitable and resigns immediately, saving both players unnecessary effort.

Hope, carried to extremes, is wasteful not only on the chessboard but in real life, and that is our situation in Iraq. We have faith; we have hope - Charity is problematical given the situation - but we lack logic. We have no logic. That is our problem. The Bible never mentions logic and this is a religious war, totally lacking logic.

(4)

I am certain that the incident was not a 'coincidence.' And it is inconceivable that Kaiser would stoop to such a subterfuge. That leaves only the obsessed Jewish faggot Walter Gerash.

What did it take to buy the woman? Five hundred dollars? A thousand? Ten thousand?

And who needed to be bought before the woman was bought? Her supervisor? Somebody else?

Was monday or tuesday her first day on the job?

And what does the obsessed Jewish faggot Gerash gain from the incident? Attention.

Gerash gains our attention. In fact, Gerash can postulate - given the circumstances - that he has achieved national and even international attention!

Gerash yearns to be noticed by us, and especially by me. Walter Gerash is a pile of shit posing as a bouquet of roses, and he wants our attention. More than that, I think that Walter Gerash wants our attention even as a pile of shit. Roses... shit... samo-samo to Gerash. Gerash will take what he can get, and now he has our attention. Gerash becomes important thereby. Gerash has seized our attention.

Easy come, easy go.

(3)

The woman inserted the needle. It seemed to me that she nailed the vein but overshot into the tissue below. She inserted the vacuum receptacle. No blood flow. She withdrew the needle slightly, rotated it about 20 degrees, then reinserted it to the original depth. Still no blood flow. It was obvious to me that she was 'fishing.' She withdrew the needle slightly again, and rotated it in the reverse direction. Still no blood. By this time the alarm bells in my head had reached a deafening level. I said, 'You have no idea what you are doing. Stop!' She was unresponsive. I yelled 'Nurse!'

She pulled the needle out and a gob of blood spurted out of my arm. She soaked it up with a cotton ball. She appeared to be paralized, holding the cotton over the wound. I explained to her that I could do that and that she should wind the elastic bandaid around my arm and let me go. She was unresponsive.

I forced her fingers away from the cotton ball and took over. She then wrapped the elastic around my arm. I stood up and called for the supervisor. The fucking supervisor was unavailable. I called for the acting fucking supervisor. (I did not use profanity, of course.) Meanwhile, a nurse-technician with whom I had previously dealt took the blood sample from my left arm.

The acting supervisor showed up and I explained to her what had happened. I suggested that the Korean woman was incompetent to draw blood. She seemed unimpressed. In fact, the incompetent Korean woman was attending to another patient even as we spoke. That patient was another Asian woman who had a horrified look on her face as she watch us discuss the technician who was attending her. I would glance back at her somewhat later to see her reaction, and she was looking away as if she did not want to know what was happening to her arm. The black woman mentioned previously asked me, 'Are you ok?' I replied that, I was 'pissed, but otherwise ok.'

The AS gave me a cold bag and explained that it would limit blood seepage around the wound. I declined in view of the fact that seepage appeared to be minimal, and I had like rescources in the freezer. I then left the scene and visited KSS. Before entering KSS I pulled off the elastic bandage on the left arm. Later at home I pulled off the elastic bandage on the right arm. Blood seepage from the lascerated right arm vein was minimal, as you can see from the photograph, taken today (friday).

(2)

As we approached the open 'stall' she asked me a question. I did not understand her. I said, 'Pardon me?' She repeated the question. The meaning still eluded me. After sitting down I had her face to face: 'What did you say?'

She answered, 'Protime today?' I said, 'Yes.'

She had a thick accent (tap). I judged from her appearance and her accent that she was either Japanese or Korean (tap). I (smiling) asked her whether she was Japanese or Korean. She replied, 'Kor(tap)ean.' (At this point I will refrain from noting the various taps and thumps from above as I write this, because it interferes with the flow of the narrative.)

I noted the coincidence, of course, but it was far-fetched. It might be quite innocent. No problem. Coincidence happens. I said, 'My wife is Japanese, so I was curious. Korean and Japanese accents sound alike to me.' I smiled again. She replied with something like, 'When I sing, I sing in a Japanese accent.'

I thought, 'Bizarre.' I offered her my right arm. She tied off the arm with an elastic strap, then selected a small vein near the top of my right forearm. The alarm bells in my head went off as she ignored the big fat bulging vein in the middle of the forearm. Every blood technician in history had recognized that this big fat vein in the middle of my right forearm was the obvious candidate for a blood draw, yet this new Korean woman missed it. (In fact, at the beginning of my long interactions with the Kaiser Arapahoe blood unit I had offered both arms, and the technician always chose the right arm. I eventually decided to alternate arms in the interest of protecting that poor right arm vein from overpuncture.)

What the fuck!?

(5)

Which brings us to definitions: Is god constantly looking over your sholder or hiding in your panties? Does your sex life interest god? Or on the other hand is god everything, everywhere? That is the question. Which? Can an immanent god usually be located in your panties? But what about a transcendent god? Clearly the question is one of preference. Which god do you prefer? Furthermore, which god loves you better? The panty god? The other god? And which god do you love better?

And what does, 'transcendent' mean? Whatever it means I prefer that other god. The god of wet underpants does not appeal to me even though (s)he might love the shit out of me. On the other hand I like the idea of pantheistic religion. Pantheism is not divisive. Pantheism unites us all. And Acid confirms our collective religion of Pantheism.

And there can be Sects! For example, I have already claimed the sect of 'Pink Pantheist.' And as the 'leader' of that sect I am willing to sit down and discuss. Are you a 'Brown Pantheist?' No problem. We can still talk. And remember: I have the magic number, 666.

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Update: Even during Saturday's hangover the thought that I had screwed up the meanings of 'transcendent' and 'immanent' nagged at me. I just confirmed the screwup and fixed it today (Monday). It is dangerous to do philosophy after more than a few beers!

(4)

Which brings us to my favorite subject tonight, 'Found Ideas.' Culture is pervasive and complex and rarely are we as individuals able to come up with a genuinely new idea. But we can find 'new' ideas if we are willing to look around. True, those 'found ideas' will not be original - we will not have created them - but they will be new to us, and therefore worthwhile. So this section is devoted to that subject.

Most of my 'found ideas' were found in books I have read. Here are a few: (Whoa! I just found Osho on the web! I did a search for The Mustard Seed and eventually arrived at a video of Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)! Wow! ('Osho' is a name Bhagwan adopted about 1989.) Oh... my... god! What a find! Whew. Which brings us to the following 'found idea' from The Mustard Seed:

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'The God has died into this universe; he cannot remain aloof; he is in it, he is lost in it. That's why you cannot find God. You go to the Himalayas, to Mecca, to Kashi, or anywhere you like: you will not find him anywhere, because he is here, everywhere!'

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Pure Pantheism. This conflict between Western and Eastern ideas of God are explored in the book, The Private Sea, by William Braden. The question is between a god who is immanent and a god who is transcendent. The LSD Experience seems to point to a god who is immanent, and that has been my personal LSD experience. Jesus never showed up during my Acid Trips, even as an hallucination. Nor did I ever get the feeling that god was watching me as I tripped my brains out.

(3)

There is an old saying, 'Go for broke.' I have not been able to determine the meaning, but I suppose it means, 'all or nothing.' It is a gambling term which seems to describe the Bush strategy in the Middle East.

(2)

Quite a bit of stomping above me as I write this. Reason unknown. Message not received.

Tonight's subjects are:
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Lost in Translation: Bible stuff.
Going for broke in Iraq.
More 'found ideas.'
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I thought I would do a piece on how certain unpleasant or obscene parts of The Bible are relegated to obscurity by having been couched in what I call, 'sacred language.' Briefly, 'sacred language' is biblespeak. Thus, in biblespeak, ugly behavior by important figures in the bible are 'deuglified' (cleaned up) by means of inane language. For example, 'to know' a woman is BibleSpeak (BS) for 'to have fucked' said woman. To know is to fuck or to have fucked. 'To know' does not at all mean 'to know' in the modern sense. Nowadays we know that water (H2O) is composed of two Hydrogen atoms and one Oxygen atom. We know that. The bible does not.

But modern bible translations were done fairly recently by people who knew the difference between 'to know' and 'to fuck.' That is clear. Therefore it is fair to say that those various translations are in some sense 'cover-ups.' The translators could not bring themselves to translate real meaning. How far back does this go?

One of many examples concerns the story of Sodom and Gemorrah. Abraham's nephew Lot was visited by two male angels who were sent by WHTZSNM to warn Lot of the fire and brimstone to come. Lot welcomed the angels, whereupon all the men of Sodom gathered around and demanded that Lot hand the angels over so that they could fuck those male angels up their collective ass (sodomize them) (Genesis 19:5). Yuck.

Lot, seized in the grip of ancient hospitality, offered his virgin daughters instead, to be buttfucked by the unruly mob. It goes downhill from there. Look it up.

(1)

Quick update: the leak was fixed by ONP tuesday. I called TO monday and we agreed that 'sooner is better.' TO requested that ONP call him (ASAP) (tap) to confirm. I later called TO and TO assured me that ONP had indeed called him. ONP arrived on schedule tuesday afternoon and did the necessary repairs. I like ONP! Not only did he do the job well, he charged 20 dollars less per hour than OOOP. Kootch wrote him a (tap) check.

This has been an interesting week in the cultural flux. Imus peaked suddenly then fell back into the noise, and we all learned the meaning of 'nappy-headed ho.'

I think Imus' major sin was attacking the loser. Why attack the loser? 'Hard core hos?' With 'tatoos?' But they lost. And the winners were 'cute?' 'Cute' (but not nappy-headed) hos? Imus' attack doesn't make sense unless he suddenly realized that he had crossed a line and needed to 'make up.' Too late. There was blood in the water and Reverend Sharpton and Reverend Jackson (among other reverends) were maneuvering into position. Imus was 'fired,' scapegoated for having briefly become a mirror to the Black Community. Having been fired Imus was forgiven, but now comes the crunch so far as The Black Community is concerned: will they begin teaching their children Mozart in lieu if Rap and Hip-Hop? We shall see.

Not that I am a fan of Imus. Gossip does not appeal to me, not even male gossip. I have seen Imus on those rare days when I wake up very early, but I was always turned off by the cowboy hat and the long hair, not to mention the stream of consciousness quality of the show.

(6)

At the risk of causing further unpleasantness I tuned in to this site recently. I love the idea that Modernity has brought us all (well, most of us) to our current state of sexual equality. The Jewish god WHTZSNM must be plotting revenge. How dare we!

Time to wrap this up. As I review my recent activities through a gloriously pink alcoholic haze I thank god (not WHTZSNM!) for my current awareness, drunk as it is.

And at the risk of 'over-arching stupidity' I hereby offer one last example of what one of my favorite females calls, 'found.' I love that idea. What an idea! Here is a 'found idea:' (This had better be good... standby)

'The Universe is now. All else is derivative and expository.' (Alan Watts.)

It follows that Heaven and Hell are imaginary. Nighty-night.

(5)

There is much myth in the Judeo-Christian story. Saint Veronica is one such example. Back in the late '40s and early '50s I attended the 'Stations of the Cross' in the Charleston Cathedral. One of those (14?) 'stations' was titled, 'Veronica wipes the face of Jesus.' I don't recall taking part as an altar boy. I remember taking part several times as a 'penitant.' It was a boring experience after the first run. What a drag. Very depressing.

And I am already feeling guilty about asking Sister Julie about Veronica. This guilt (faint thump) is endemic and I attribute it to my Catholic upbringing: to destroy pleasant ideas in order to make way for the unpleasant truth is a necessary process, but distasteful. Must we love the truth more than we love pleasant ideas? In certain cases we can tolerate pleasant ideas in lieu of the truth, but where does our human responsibility end? Where, exactly, do we become culpable liars?

This is a perennial question. It is also a social question. In fact, the interplay (between 'social' and 'religious') is a fascinating subject for Sociologists. Life is complex, not simple.

(4)

Have you noticed how much better my posts have become now that I know that the ACSD is privy? I have. I suppose the intent of that is to refute claims of my insanity. It seems to be working so far...

Having run out of subjects for the (tap) moment I will resort to the list:

First wasp: I saw the first wasp of spring a few days ago.
Laurie Raye: Huh?!
Bush vs Pure Evil: Equals Bush vs Pandorah.
Candidates: Pragmatism vs Ideology. Yay for pragmatism.
Romney the hunter:
'Do you think that you and I are equals?' he asked in a sharp voice...'
'Well... are we equals?' he asked.
'Of course we're equals' I said....
'No,' he said calmly, 'We are not.'
'Why, certainly we are,' I protested.
'No.' he said in a soft voice. 'We are not equals. I am a hunter and a warrior and you are a pimp.'
(The above from Journey to Ixtland by Carlos Casteneda)
Yay for Pelosi!
Veronica.
Jerusalem Syndrome.
Brits released.
Global Warming: mentioned in The Bible?
O'Reilly and Geraldo: Can we have a circumcision debate?
Sister Julie: Ask me anything.
Teaching chess at Comcast.
Chinese Christians (being gassed here - left lung gas)

(3)

Coincidentally, I am continuing with my current potty book, The God Delusion. And just yesterday The History Channel had a two hour piece on the Ten Commandments, while CNN had an Anderson Cooper 360 series titled, 'What is a Christian?' (being gassed here: nose (tap)gas) Tonight CNN has a piece titled, 'What Would Jesus Really Do?' Sounds interesting, but of course I am way too busy tonight, which is friday night. These shows are all connected to Holy Week, of course.

I have yet to see TTC, which currently resides on TiVo, but there is a connection with TGD: according to Dawkins, the original meaning of TTC (The Ten Commandments) ought to be understood in the context of the times, not in today's very modern context. Thus, the commandment 'Thou shalt not kill' actually meant, in the good old days, 'Thou shall not kill fellow Jews.' Only much later in the Christian Era would that commandment (and the others) come by their modern meanings. Back in the good old days it was ok to kill non-Jews. But then came Jesus and Christianity, with the result that nowadays even Jewish lawyers rant against 'Capital Punishment!' Times have changed. Dawkins cites John Hartung in this regard. (Warning: Do not visit this site, Denise!)

I see the evolution of morals in terms of economics, of course. Liberalism flourishes in the midst of plenty, but the opposite is also true. Should modern science fail to nourish technology at a rate offsetting global warming we can expect a devolution of morals along religious lines all over the world.

(2)

This is Holy Week, a very juicy week for me. Approximately two thousand and forty years ago Jesus has arrived in Jerusalem on a donkey and disrupted business at the temple there, drawing the attention of the authorities. Bad idea. Jesus enjoyed one last supper with his (male?) disciples thursday evening (yesterday). He was crucified by The Romans (today), about noon. Jesus began the decomposition process immediately after death (thump). His body will rot all night tonight and all day tomorrow. Meanwhile Jesus' soul will visit the folks in Hell for some reason. Decomposition will halt precisely at sunrise on Easter Sunday morning and He will rise from death and exit the tomb, smelling like a rose. Some days later, after conversing briefly with His disciples, He will return to the heaven from whence He came. Wow.

But Jesus' death was much more than just a simple celestial stunt. Jesus was in fact a 'scapegoat' who was 'sacrificed' in order to appease his Angry Father (the Jewish god WHTZSNM) who had grown waaay toooo used to goat offerings over many hundreds of years, by His sinful people. He had grown fat and ugly on all that goat over the years and He needed to go on a diet. He had, in fact, begun to grow horns. Furthermore He needed something to assuage His infinite anger. Jesus was the ultimate 'dose increase' and Jesus was also gastronomically taboo: the logical choice.

We all hope the maneuver worked. We are not quite sure...

(1)

Quick updates:

I turned on the bathtub water monday, almost exactly a week after OP shut it off. Why not? My underarm experiment was over; TO had not called me back; TMMC was also incommunicado. Enough. And I have such fun in the shower! I warned TO before taking the shower to advise TGD not to be standing in the bathtub downstairs - just in case - having got TO's phone number from TMMC, whom I called for that purpose. TO advised that ONP would indeed be allowed access to make the repairs. I have yet to acquire a NP, in view of the fact that fixing the problem does not seem to be a priority with either TGD or OP. Maybe NW.

Got a letter from my credit card company advising that my bank had declined to pay their request for funds because said bank could not find my account. A 40 dollar 'returned payment' charge was added to my bill. I called said CCC and complained. CCC dropped the charge when I threatened to cancel the account after paying the bill. I subsequently mailed them a check which was waaaaay late. A visit to my bank confirmed that they could indeed find the account.

Kootch apparently finds this entire scenerio quite stressful, and is delegating responsibility to me. The stress apparently peaked Sunday afternoon when she requested one shot of my whiskey. I told her that would cost her a dollar (in jest). She sipped it straight. About fifteen minutes later I could see that she had become red in the face from the booze, but appeared to be entirely sober otherwise. My interpretation: the tension with TGD momentarily pierced her denial (thump) and she needed to let off a bit of steam.