Wednesday, December 08, 2010
The Hanukkah Conjecture
(3)
(Not to mention the fact that I live in a world full of Idiots.) Off to the 'fridge at 1607 for beer #6. I'm missing The Ed Show. Grr.
Which brings me to the end of my 'list.' The rest is gravy. Lessee... Pussy... Religion... Drugs... Aha!
It will please you folks to know that LSD is still out there! Alright! Seems that some students at Columbia University were busted recently for selling various illegal drugs, including LSD. This is good news, folks. It means that LSD is still being manufactured. Go there if you dare and if you can! I'll be with you in spirit. Prepare to be disassembled into individual 'leggos,' then reassembled back into 'you' - almost... not quite. And that's the magic of LSD.
What else... Religion... bingo! Are we still doing Hanukka? Yup? The 'myth' of Hanukka suggests that during the dedication of the temple in Jerusalem back in about the 2nd century BCE, there was only one day's worth of Consecrated Olive Oil available. (Apparently the temple lights burned olive oil, and somebody fucked up and did not consecrate a new batch of fucking olive oil. Difficult to believe.) The temple lights were expected to 'go out.' However the lights continued to burn for eight more days! Hallelajuh! Was God Hirself replenishing the olive oil supply?! Secretly?! At night?! Miracle worth celebrating for another 2000 years! God was not helpless after all! Muthafuck!
But I have a more mundane theory of what actually happened: Olive oil was in short supply (commercially) at that particular time. Only one day's supply remained in the temple. It was a well known crisis among the 'cogniscenti' but was unknown to the general public. Something had to be done. They waited as long as they dared. They waited for God to fill the olive oil containers. But when it became obvious that God was not going to do a refill, they tapped the only remaining reservoir of olive oil: The Jews' secret sexual supply which they used for masturbation/coitus. 'Donations' were accepted from trusted sources, enough to cover the eight days in question. It was a very hush-hush operation.
It worked. Jews celebrate that 'miracle' to this very day.
(Not to mention the fact that I live in a world full of Idiots.) Off to the 'fridge at 1607 for beer #6. I'm missing The Ed Show. Grr.
Which brings me to the end of my 'list.' The rest is gravy. Lessee... Pussy... Religion... Drugs... Aha!
It will please you folks to know that LSD is still out there! Alright! Seems that some students at Columbia University were busted recently for selling various illegal drugs, including LSD. This is good news, folks. It means that LSD is still being manufactured. Go there if you dare and if you can! I'll be with you in spirit. Prepare to be disassembled into individual 'leggos,' then reassembled back into 'you' - almost... not quite. And that's the magic of LSD.
What else... Religion... bingo! Are we still doing Hanukka? Yup? The 'myth' of Hanukka suggests that during the dedication of the temple in Jerusalem back in about the 2nd century BCE, there was only one day's worth of Consecrated Olive Oil available. (Apparently the temple lights burned olive oil, and somebody fucked up and did not consecrate a new batch of fucking olive oil. Difficult to believe.) The temple lights were expected to 'go out.' However the lights continued to burn for eight more days! Hallelajuh! Was God Hirself replenishing the olive oil supply?! Secretly?! At night?! Miracle worth celebrating for another 2000 years! God was not helpless after all! Muthafuck!
But I have a more mundane theory of what actually happened: Olive oil was in short supply (commercially) at that particular time. Only one day's supply remained in the temple. It was a well known crisis among the 'cogniscenti' but was unknown to the general public. Something had to be done. They waited as long as they dared. They waited for God to fill the olive oil containers. But when it became obvious that God was not going to do a refill, they tapped the only remaining reservoir of olive oil: The Jews' secret sexual supply which they used for masturbation/coitus. 'Donations' were accepted from trusted sources, enough to cover the eight days in question. It was a very hush-hush operation.
It worked. Jews celebrate that 'miracle' to this very day.
