Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Close Enough...
(3)
God was the ultimate Capitalist Egotist. God therefore decided that even an infinite number of sheep and goats could not be of equal value for all the souls burning in Hell, not to mention all those future souls headed for that destination. God needed more value. Hmm... Blood... But even a world with seas full of blood wouldn't quite... Aha!
God needed the blood of another god! The ultimate scapegoat!
Unfortunately only humans (and other animals) have blood in them. Hmm. Ha!
God decided to create a 'god on Earth' who would be destined to become the ultimate scapegoat who's blood would soothe and soothe and soothe... the god.
But there was a problem: God hated sex. Yuck. Moreover, god has no organ suitable for impregnation. God was (is) penisless. No dick. God suffered from really intense penis envy as a result. (Indeed, god would have had The Israelis cut off the entire penises of their newborn males if that would not have resulted in the extinction of his 'Chosen People. God settled instead for cutting off only the 'juicy parts.')
God decided to impregnate an innocent young woman using 'The angel Gabriel.'
The result of that impregnation was Jesus, half man, half god. Close enough...
Jesus' blood would eventually appease god.
God then had his 'son' Jesus crucified. Blood everywhere.
The result was that god was finally, finally, finally, finally, (and I could go on and on) appeased.
God was the ultimate Capitalist Egotist. God therefore decided that even an infinite number of sheep and goats could not be of equal value for all the souls burning in Hell, not to mention all those future souls headed for that destination. God needed more value. Hmm... Blood... But even a world with seas full of blood wouldn't quite... Aha!
God needed the blood of another god! The ultimate scapegoat!
Unfortunately only humans (and other animals) have blood in them. Hmm. Ha!
God decided to create a 'god on Earth' who would be destined to become the ultimate scapegoat who's blood would soothe and soothe and soothe... the god.
But there was a problem: God hated sex. Yuck. Moreover, god has no organ suitable for impregnation. God was (is) penisless. No dick. God suffered from really intense penis envy as a result. (Indeed, god would have had The Israelis cut off the entire penises of their newborn males if that would not have resulted in the extinction of his 'Chosen People. God settled instead for cutting off only the 'juicy parts.')
God decided to impregnate an innocent young woman using 'The angel Gabriel.'
The result of that impregnation was Jesus, half man, half god. Close enough...
Jesus' blood would eventually appease god.
God then had his 'son' Jesus crucified. Blood everywhere.
The result was that god was finally, finally, finally, finally, (and I could go on and on) appeased.
