Friday, November 27, 2009
Green Onion News Reports
(2)
Green Onion News. Patrick Kennedy has claimed that his Catholic Bishop, Thomas J Tobin, Instructed him to 'stop taking communion' three years ago. Kennedy stated that he honored the bishop's request, but that he felt spiritually deprived soon after quitting that weekly Catholic ritual, and fell into a deep depression. Jewish psychiatry, failing at 'talk therapy,' suggested drugs; however Mr. Kennedy was disinclined to experiment with possibly dangerous mind-altering prescription drugs. Instead, he consulted 'an old Hippie who lived just down the street.'
'Best decision I ever made!' said Kennedy, who's praise for the old Hippie was effusive in the extreme. 'No more little crackers for me, baby! They do nothin'!' When asked what the Old Hippie suggested as a substitute, Kennedy replied, 'Acid, baby! You wanna see God? Do Acid! Forget those dumbass little crackers! I'm off them suckers for good. Cold Turkey, baby. Acid is the cure! We need to legalize that stuff...' The interview went on for several minutes as the obviously manic Kennedy praised the effects of the well known illegal drug. (By the way, Chris Mathews did a scathing interview with the offending bishop in a recent Hardball interview. Green Onion News totally enjoyed it.)
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In other news, President Obama is due to present his plan to 'finish the job in Afghanistan' next week sometime. Onion News, the parent network to Green Onion News, has two reports:
Possible options in Afghanistan.
Heroin addicts pressure Prez to stay the course.
Don't say we didn't warn ya.
Green Onion News. Patrick Kennedy has claimed that his Catholic Bishop, Thomas J Tobin, Instructed him to 'stop taking communion' three years ago. Kennedy stated that he honored the bishop's request, but that he felt spiritually deprived soon after quitting that weekly Catholic ritual, and fell into a deep depression. Jewish psychiatry, failing at 'talk therapy,' suggested drugs; however Mr. Kennedy was disinclined to experiment with possibly dangerous mind-altering prescription drugs. Instead, he consulted 'an old Hippie who lived just down the street.'
'Best decision I ever made!' said Kennedy, who's praise for the old Hippie was effusive in the extreme. 'No more little crackers for me, baby! They do nothin'!' When asked what the Old Hippie suggested as a substitute, Kennedy replied, 'Acid, baby! You wanna see God? Do Acid! Forget those dumbass little crackers! I'm off them suckers for good. Cold Turkey, baby. Acid is the cure! We need to legalize that stuff...' The interview went on for several minutes as the obviously manic Kennedy praised the effects of the well known illegal drug. (By the way, Chris Mathews did a scathing interview with the offending bishop in a recent Hardball interview. Green Onion News totally enjoyed it.)
----------
In other news, President Obama is due to present his plan to 'finish the job in Afghanistan' next week sometime. Onion News, the parent network to Green Onion News, has two reports:
Possible options in Afghanistan.
Heroin addicts pressure Prez to stay the course.
Don't say we didn't warn ya.
