Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Doctor Josef Shlomo Mangele
(1)
The forecast is for lots of snow tonight, and that's all the excuse I need to booze it up again. You know me. The first thing I need to get out of the way is Doctor Mangele (named, of course after Josef Mengele of Holocaust fame). The nurses call him, Doctor Mangle. He is the local specialist and has circumcised several thousand babies thus far. His career goal is ten thousand, a figure which seems to be well within his grasp. Doctor Mangle is very good at what he does. If you are a newborn about to be circumcised, you want Doctor Mangle. Doctor Mangle takes pride in the fact that he has a very low 'complication' rate (botch rate): only one death, and only seventy lawsuits from parents of unsatisfied customers. His style is to do a nice tight job. He will cut you no slack, but he will leave you with just enough so that your penis will not distorted itself during erections later in life. No need to worry about sharp curves. His personal motto is, 'Mother Nature takes nine months to assemble it; we take nine minutes to disassemble it.'
(I was supposed to cook up some Pea soup for supper tonight, but since I decided at the last minute to do 'booze night' Kootch is doing the job. I just made a trip to the kitchen for another beer, and noticed the pot of pea soup bubbling slowly on the stove. I looked around for the stirring spoon, intending to give it a stir. No stirring spoon. Kootch walked in just about then and I mentioned that it needed to be stirred every ten minutes. Kootch advised me that she was aware of that, then grabbed a pair of chopsticks near the stove and stirred the mixture. Chopsticks? I said, 'Do you think you might be able to masturbate me using a pair of chopsticks?' She shooed me out of course, but now that I think about it... hmm... Those Japanese are really good with chopsticks!) Back to my story:
Doctor Mangle is Jewish, of course, and does an especially good job for Jewish customers who want to avoid the rigamarole of a formal Bris. Doctor Mangle is furthermore very concientious concerning his 'other' customers: he photographs each and every one of them as they lay naked in the circumstraint. He first places a tiny yarmulke on their heads as they lay there tied down with velcro. Most of them are crying by then. Indeed, if a particular infant seems to be enjoying his situation instead of crying, Doctor Mangle will 'give him a little pinch' just to 'bring him into the moment,' then photograph him. He calls his unhappy charges, 'Honorary Jews.' He photographs them all, Jews and non-Jews alike, before and after. He has quite a collection. He plans to sell the best of them on the New York art market some day to finance his retirement. He plans both a book and an art auction for the very best photographs. He anticipates an eventual 'take' in the neighborhood of 'eight digits.'
The forecast is for lots of snow tonight, and that's all the excuse I need to booze it up again. You know me. The first thing I need to get out of the way is Doctor Mangele (named, of course after Josef Mengele of Holocaust fame). The nurses call him, Doctor Mangle. He is the local specialist and has circumcised several thousand babies thus far. His career goal is ten thousand, a figure which seems to be well within his grasp. Doctor Mangle is very good at what he does. If you are a newborn about to be circumcised, you want Doctor Mangle. Doctor Mangle takes pride in the fact that he has a very low 'complication' rate (botch rate): only one death, and only seventy lawsuits from parents of unsatisfied customers. His style is to do a nice tight job. He will cut you no slack, but he will leave you with just enough so that your penis will not distorted itself during erections later in life. No need to worry about sharp curves. His personal motto is, 'Mother Nature takes nine months to assemble it; we take nine minutes to disassemble it.'
(I was supposed to cook up some Pea soup for supper tonight, but since I decided at the last minute to do 'booze night' Kootch is doing the job. I just made a trip to the kitchen for another beer, and noticed the pot of pea soup bubbling slowly on the stove. I looked around for the stirring spoon, intending to give it a stir. No stirring spoon. Kootch walked in just about then and I mentioned that it needed to be stirred every ten minutes. Kootch advised me that she was aware of that, then grabbed a pair of chopsticks near the stove and stirred the mixture. Chopsticks? I said, 'Do you think you might be able to masturbate me using a pair of chopsticks?' She shooed me out of course, but now that I think about it... hmm... Those Japanese are really good with chopsticks!) Back to my story:
Doctor Mangle is Jewish, of course, and does an especially good job for Jewish customers who want to avoid the rigamarole of a formal Bris. Doctor Mangle is furthermore very concientious concerning his 'other' customers: he photographs each and every one of them as they lay naked in the circumstraint. He first places a tiny yarmulke on their heads as they lay there tied down with velcro. Most of them are crying by then. Indeed, if a particular infant seems to be enjoying his situation instead of crying, Doctor Mangle will 'give him a little pinch' just to 'bring him into the moment,' then photograph him. He calls his unhappy charges, 'Honorary Jews.' He photographs them all, Jews and non-Jews alike, before and after. He has quite a collection. He plans to sell the best of them on the New York art market some day to finance his retirement. He plans both a book and an art auction for the very best photographs. He anticipates an eventual 'take' in the neighborhood of 'eight digits.'
