Thursday, September 03, 2009
Sham Zoo
(6)
1754L and time to call Lucifer on the Brown Telephone. My readers and I wonder where Senator Kennedy ended up. With a slight feeling of trepidation I dialed Lucifer's number.
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lu: Hello?
me: I'm doing an investigation.
lu: Kennedy?
me: Correct. And the answer is?
lu: Hell. Apparently God is a Republican.
me: Suspicions confirmed.
lu: Convey to those interested that Kennedy is delighted, more or less.
me: More or less?
lu: Well, he sulked a bit in the beginning when he realized that he was no longer the boss...
me: To be expected, I suppose...
lu: Then he screwed up the sunday worship program...
me: Worship?
lu: It's a one hour show we do every Sunday morning and then beam up to Heaven. They watch it religiously up there. Very popular. No commercials. We call it the 'Weekly Agony.'
me: Weekly Agony?
lu: It's a service we do to comfort the poor souls in heaven. New arrivals in hell are required to participate. The show is recorded in HD and uplinked.
me: I don't quite get it...
lu: Basically It's a sham. New arrivals are required to pose as tormented souls in the Christian Hell. They writhe around in a large pool filled with red-colored mud. Air is pumped up through it for a bubbling effect, and hot air in front of the camera lenses provides a shimmering effect. It's really quite impressive. Looks just like the're all roasting in molten lava, screaming continuously.
me: Wow. This goes on for an hour?
lu: Yes. They love it up there. It's heaven's most popular pastime, in fact. Einstein says that the viewers up there actually seem to warm up a bit as they watch it.
me: Not surprising. Ten degrees Kelvin is a bit chilly...
Lu: Anyway, to make a long story short, Kennedy screwed it up. He laughed. The cameras were all doing close-ups on him and he deliberately laughed and splashed around like a child. It was a disaster.
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(re-written 09-05-09)
1754L and time to call Lucifer on the Brown Telephone. My readers and I wonder where Senator Kennedy ended up. With a slight feeling of trepidation I dialed Lucifer's number.
----------
lu: Hello?
me: I'm doing an investigation.
lu: Kennedy?
me: Correct. And the answer is?
lu: Hell. Apparently God is a Republican.
me: Suspicions confirmed.
lu: Convey to those interested that Kennedy is delighted, more or less.
me: More or less?
lu: Well, he sulked a bit in the beginning when he realized that he was no longer the boss...
me: To be expected, I suppose...
lu: Then he screwed up the sunday worship program...
me: Worship?
lu: It's a one hour show we do every Sunday morning and then beam up to Heaven. They watch it religiously up there. Very popular. No commercials. We call it the 'Weekly Agony.'
me: Weekly Agony?
lu: It's a service we do to comfort the poor souls in heaven. New arrivals in hell are required to participate. The show is recorded in HD and uplinked.
me: I don't quite get it...
lu: Basically It's a sham. New arrivals are required to pose as tormented souls in the Christian Hell. They writhe around in a large pool filled with red-colored mud. Air is pumped up through it for a bubbling effect, and hot air in front of the camera lenses provides a shimmering effect. It's really quite impressive. Looks just like the're all roasting in molten lava, screaming continuously.
me: Wow. This goes on for an hour?
lu: Yes. They love it up there. It's heaven's most popular pastime, in fact. Einstein says that the viewers up there actually seem to warm up a bit as they watch it.
me: Not surprising. Ten degrees Kelvin is a bit chilly...
Lu: Anyway, to make a long story short, Kennedy screwed it up. He laughed. The cameras were all doing close-ups on him and he deliberately laughed and splashed around like a child. It was a disaster.
----------
(re-written 09-05-09)
