Thursday, June 18, 2009
Gene Pool Politics
(3)
I'm back a bit early with a possible faux 'Onion article' concerning today's senate vote to officially apologize to America's Black Population for our National Past regarding Slavery. I see such a resolution as a practical alternative to 'reparations' during these tense economic times. The faux article follows:
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Balancing Act
In an astonishing move today, the United States Senate has passed a controversial resolution to apologize to African-Americans for historical wrongs in regard to the kidnapping, illegal transportation, and slavery of ethnic Africans during the period 1607-1865. The bill will now be passed on to the House of Representatives where it will be debated, possibly modified, and brought to a vote. The bill is expected to pass overwhelmingly, and President Obama is expected to sign it into law immediately. Senate observers explained the sudden senate move as 'necessary in order to forestall a debilitating debate on the issue, which debate might sabotage a quick passage.' Senate insiders, meanwhile, pointed to the lingering dread of (Jewish) economic advisers that a 'reparations bill' could totally sink the current administration's economic plan and bring the nation to a state of bankruptcy. 'Better apologize than pay,' seemed to be the administration's mantra, 'especially at this critical time in American economic history.'
Certain House members, meanwhile, have pointed out that this entire scenerio is 'ludicrous given that, at bottom, it is a clear case of gene pool politics.' 'What we have here is a case where certain European genes are apologizing to certain African genes!' 'Moreover,' they say, 'those genes are actually apologizing for transporting a technically deprived bunch of genes, bringing them to America, and teaching the entire bunch a sophisticated culture over a period of hundreds of years! How dumb is that?!'
The House spokesperson (who declined to be identified) then confided that House opponents intended to add an embarrassing addenum to the proposed bill should it ever pass The Senate again: 'We intend to offer an amendment which would bill the African gene pool for all expenses related to this issue including, acquisition, transportation, and education. We furthermore intend to provide for 'back interest on the accumulation of debt.' We predict that the said final billing amount will exactly equal any 'reparations' which the senate may impose, should the matter eventually come down to that.'
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I'm back a bit early with a possible faux 'Onion article' concerning today's senate vote to officially apologize to America's Black Population for our National Past regarding Slavery. I see such a resolution as a practical alternative to 'reparations' during these tense economic times. The faux article follows:
----------
Balancing Act
In an astonishing move today, the United States Senate has passed a controversial resolution to apologize to African-Americans for historical wrongs in regard to the kidnapping, illegal transportation, and slavery of ethnic Africans during the period 1607-1865. The bill will now be passed on to the House of Representatives where it will be debated, possibly modified, and brought to a vote. The bill is expected to pass overwhelmingly, and President Obama is expected to sign it into law immediately. Senate observers explained the sudden senate move as 'necessary in order to forestall a debilitating debate on the issue, which debate might sabotage a quick passage.' Senate insiders, meanwhile, pointed to the lingering dread of (Jewish) economic advisers that a 'reparations bill' could totally sink the current administration's economic plan and bring the nation to a state of bankruptcy. 'Better apologize than pay,' seemed to be the administration's mantra, 'especially at this critical time in American economic history.'
Certain House members, meanwhile, have pointed out that this entire scenerio is 'ludicrous given that, at bottom, it is a clear case of gene pool politics.' 'What we have here is a case where certain European genes are apologizing to certain African genes!' 'Moreover,' they say, 'those genes are actually apologizing for transporting a technically deprived bunch of genes, bringing them to America, and teaching the entire bunch a sophisticated culture over a period of hundreds of years! How dumb is that?!'
The House spokesperson (who declined to be identified) then confided that House opponents intended to add an embarrassing addenum to the proposed bill should it ever pass The Senate again: 'We intend to offer an amendment which would bill the African gene pool for all expenses related to this issue including, acquisition, transportation, and education. We furthermore intend to provide for 'back interest on the accumulation of debt.' We predict that the said final billing amount will exactly equal any 'reparations' which the senate may impose, should the matter eventually come down to that.'
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