Friday, March 06, 2009
Too Many Irish Washerwomans
(1)
Just beginning my third beer at the moment (1642L). (This is about as close as I will come to 'Twitter.') Good news is that I figured how to get the address bar back, but not the other bar with the colored icons. I like this new arrangement because it gives me more room on the screen.
My 'stock-trading idiot' class is going well... sort of. I am learning a lot, but the tuition fees have increased dramatically in the last two weeks or so. My most recent lessons have been quite expensive, in fact, but valuable. Most of this education was absorbed by my right brain, as you would expect, while my left brain claims to have known it all along: 'I told you so...' Barf. So can I do an Onionesque article on this subject? I'll try:
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DENVER-In a frank interview with this reporter, a Littleton man confessed to losing huge amounts of money in the stock market recently. 'I was just crazy-optimistic,' confessed Traadr O'Dumas to this reporter yesterday. 'I'd been following the news recently on CNN when it finally dawned on me that this might be a good time to invest. 'So I cashed in my life savings and signed up with an online stock broker. My bank couldn't believe it: 'You're gonna take your money out of our safe checking account and invest it?! Are you serious!?' O'Dumas giggled as he described his banker's astonishment. 'Sucker obviously knew nothing about money!' said O'Dumas. 'And he worked for the same bank I had been saving at since 1997?! 'If only I had known! Whew! 'Anyways, I directed him to transfer funds to my trading account. Then I started trading.
'My first buy was LOL. It was a test. I watched LOL for several days as it went up. I then sold LOL for a profit. LOL!' O'Dumas jumped to his feet and clicked his heels, then sat down again.
'My next choice was ROFL. This time I doubled my stake. ROFL went up immediately. Whoa! I sold ROFL for another nice profit the next day. 'Boy they fun!' I thought. 'I am a natural financial genius!'
Then O'Dumas' mood changed to a more somber note: 'That was my big mistake. Drunk with excessive self-esteem I took an even bigger stake in WTF. I knew it was a gamble... stocks tend to go up and down and my previous choices both went up. WTF went up at first and I was tempted to sell it for a nice profit, but changed my mind at the last minute. I celebrated that night with a few too many Irish Washerwomens. When I finally woke up the next day...
'Irish Washerwomens?'
'It's a drink I invented named after an Irish tune. Anyways, I had one too many of those lovely ladies that night and slept in until noon. When I finally got up and checked WTF on the computer I was horrified to discover that it had tanked overnight, gapping down 15 percent at the open. 'Yikes! Talk about sleeping while Rome burns...!'
Just beginning my third beer at the moment (1642L). (This is about as close as I will come to 'Twitter.') Good news is that I figured how to get the address bar back, but not the other bar with the colored icons. I like this new arrangement because it gives me more room on the screen.
My 'stock-trading idiot' class is going well... sort of. I am learning a lot, but the tuition fees have increased dramatically in the last two weeks or so. My most recent lessons have been quite expensive, in fact, but valuable. Most of this education was absorbed by my right brain, as you would expect, while my left brain claims to have known it all along: 'I told you so...' Barf. So can I do an Onionesque article on this subject? I'll try:
----------
DENVER-In a frank interview with this reporter, a Littleton man confessed to losing huge amounts of money in the stock market recently. 'I was just crazy-optimistic,' confessed Traadr O'Dumas to this reporter yesterday. 'I'd been following the news recently on CNN when it finally dawned on me that this might be a good time to invest. 'So I cashed in my life savings and signed up with an online stock broker. My bank couldn't believe it: 'You're gonna take your money out of our safe checking account and invest it?! Are you serious!?' O'Dumas giggled as he described his banker's astonishment. 'Sucker obviously knew nothing about money!' said O'Dumas. 'And he worked for the same bank I had been saving at since 1997?! 'If only I had known! Whew! 'Anyways, I directed him to transfer funds to my trading account. Then I started trading.
'My first buy was LOL. It was a test. I watched LOL for several days as it went up. I then sold LOL for a profit. LOL!' O'Dumas jumped to his feet and clicked his heels, then sat down again.
'My next choice was ROFL. This time I doubled my stake. ROFL went up immediately. Whoa! I sold ROFL for another nice profit the next day. 'Boy they fun!' I thought. 'I am a natural financial genius!'
Then O'Dumas' mood changed to a more somber note: 'That was my big mistake. Drunk with excessive self-esteem I took an even bigger stake in WTF. I knew it was a gamble... stocks tend to go up and down and my previous choices both went up. WTF went up at first and I was tempted to sell it for a nice profit, but changed my mind at the last minute. I celebrated that night with a few too many Irish Washerwomens. When I finally woke up the next day...
'Irish Washerwomens?'
'It's a drink I invented named after an Irish tune. Anyways, I had one too many of those lovely ladies that night and slept in until noon. When I finally got up and checked WTF on the computer I was horrified to discover that it had tanked overnight, gapping down 15 percent at the open. 'Yikes! Talk about sleeping while Rome burns...!'
