Friday, January 02, 2009
Tormented Gaza
(3)
Unfortunately I just wasted a bunch of time since (2) below, and as a result I have very little sobriety left to offer to you. On my 10th beer at the moment... just checked in on CNN (LKL). Looks like Israeli forces have not yet begun a ground offensive in tormented Gaza. I recently saw an interview on CNN with 'Ziggy' who suggested that the situation is so dire that an international intervention is needed immediately. I agree. The nations of the world need to proclaim that enough is enough (in the Middle East, at least), and move in immediately. This religious madness must not be allowed to continue. Billions of lives are at stake. Toward that end I have pledged my influence and support: Indeed, I recently concluded a personal conversation with the Jewish god, WHTZSNM, in an attempt to devine divine opinion in the matter before us at the moment.
Most of you know me exclusively as the only human who has in his possession 'The Brown Telephone' (a direct line to the Jewish god WHTZSNM). You know that it is a one-way phone: I can call god but god cannot call me. The result is that my conversations with god are few and far between. But it seemed to me that, in view of Ziggy's opinion in the matter, I should call The Old Bastard and seek out his opinion. I taped the conversation, of course, in self defense:
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gd: Hello?
me: Been a long time since we last spoke.
gd: Not long enough.
me: I should advise you that I am recording this conversation.
gd: Recording?
me: I presume you are following current events in the Middle East?
gd: Middle East?
me: The Holy Land.
gd: Oh.
me: Jews and Muslims are killing each other.
gd: Jews? Muslims?
me: I'm calling from Earth.
gd: Earth?
me: You are, at bottom, a comedian. Do I need to remind you that I am recording this conversation?
gd: And you are a discerning human, otherwise I wouldn't bother with you. Record to your heart's content. Ask Me anything!
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Unfortunately I just wasted a bunch of time since (2) below, and as a result I have very little sobriety left to offer to you. On my 10th beer at the moment... just checked in on CNN (LKL). Looks like Israeli forces have not yet begun a ground offensive in tormented Gaza. I recently saw an interview on CNN with 'Ziggy' who suggested that the situation is so dire that an international intervention is needed immediately. I agree. The nations of the world need to proclaim that enough is enough (in the Middle East, at least), and move in immediately. This religious madness must not be allowed to continue. Billions of lives are at stake. Toward that end I have pledged my influence and support: Indeed, I recently concluded a personal conversation with the Jewish god, WHTZSNM, in an attempt to devine divine opinion in the matter before us at the moment.
Most of you know me exclusively as the only human who has in his possession 'The Brown Telephone' (a direct line to the Jewish god WHTZSNM). You know that it is a one-way phone: I can call god but god cannot call me. The result is that my conversations with god are few and far between. But it seemed to me that, in view of Ziggy's opinion in the matter, I should call The Old Bastard and seek out his opinion. I taped the conversation, of course, in self defense:
----------
gd: Hello?
me: Been a long time since we last spoke.
gd: Not long enough.
me: I should advise you that I am recording this conversation.
gd: Recording?
me: I presume you are following current events in the Middle East?
gd: Middle East?
me: The Holy Land.
gd: Oh.
me: Jews and Muslims are killing each other.
gd: Jews? Muslims?
me: I'm calling from Earth.
gd: Earth?
me: You are, at bottom, a comedian. Do I need to remind you that I am recording this conversation?
gd: And you are a discerning human, otherwise I wouldn't bother with you. Record to your heart's content. Ask Me anything!
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