Friday, January 09, 2009
Sex
(3)
Uh-oh. Almost time for the news. (Personal note: get the interview with god in before you get too drunk. Later: Ok. Good idea!)
I'm back at 1806L. As I watched the news I wondered what questions I would ask god per last week's 'commitment.' (Kootch just wished me 'goodnight' at 1809L.)
Hmm! I must admit that my questions were mostly sexual. That is to say that my 'existential guilt' centered almost exclusively around my illicit sexual life since age 12 or so (I am a big fan of masturbation and heterosexual fornication). After considerable consideration regarding the matter I gritted my (false) teeth and dialed 666 on the Brown Telephone, and extended the Antenna. God answered immediately:
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gd: Hello?
me: I'm baaack. Ready for the interview?
gd: If you insist. What is your question?
me: I speak for billions of human beings when I ask You how closely You watch individual human genitalia.
gd: Excellent question! I am very interested in the subject because of the fact that you humans are so needy! Generally speaking you are 'oversexed.' Waaay oversexed. My job is to 'make a list and check it twice,' if you get the metaphor.
me: I take it that 'illicit sex' irritates You?
gd: Exactly.
me: Can You tell us why? Did You not create human beings as sexual creatures? Should You not celebrate human sexual activities?
gd: You are being waaaay too logical. You need to understand that I have a sexual 'point of view.'
Furthermore you need to understand that I did not design the human genitalia. I am a sexless creature. Sex was not my idea. I hate sex.
me: I take it that You were not impressed with Lucifer's design in that regard?
gd: Exactly.
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Uh-oh. Almost time for the news. (Personal note: get the interview with god in before you get too drunk. Later: Ok. Good idea!)
I'm back at 1806L. As I watched the news I wondered what questions I would ask god per last week's 'commitment.' (Kootch just wished me 'goodnight' at 1809L.)
Hmm! I must admit that my questions were mostly sexual. That is to say that my 'existential guilt' centered almost exclusively around my illicit sexual life since age 12 or so (I am a big fan of masturbation and heterosexual fornication). After considerable consideration regarding the matter I gritted my (false) teeth and dialed 666 on the Brown Telephone, and extended the Antenna. God answered immediately:
----------
gd: Hello?
me: I'm baaack. Ready for the interview?
gd: If you insist. What is your question?
me: I speak for billions of human beings when I ask You how closely You watch individual human genitalia.
gd: Excellent question! I am very interested in the subject because of the fact that you humans are so needy! Generally speaking you are 'oversexed.' Waaay oversexed. My job is to 'make a list and check it twice,' if you get the metaphor.
me: I take it that 'illicit sex' irritates You?
gd: Exactly.
me: Can You tell us why? Did You not create human beings as sexual creatures? Should You not celebrate human sexual activities?
gd: You are being waaaay too logical. You need to understand that I have a sexual 'point of view.'
Furthermore you need to understand that I did not design the human genitalia. I am a sexless creature. Sex was not my idea. I hate sex.
me: I take it that You were not impressed with Lucifer's design in that regard?
gd: Exactly.
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