Friday, October 31, 2008
Testing a Theory
(1)
I do have a way with words, sometimes, last week's entries being a case in point. The amazing thing is that I had planned a totally different series! But since this blog is also a sort of journal, and since I was already buzzing my brains out after having been ambushed by two small glasses of wine (while Kootch ate supper as we did 'Millionaire'), 'planning' gave way to 'journalizing.' I am happy to report that although the wine and whiskey more or less destroyed my brain for the night, my bowels were unaffected and I am now 'cured' for the time-being. Were I a scientist in the strict sense, I would repeat last week's scenerio at least one more time before returning to beer. But brain preceeds bowel, so tonight is beer night again. I will report the bowel results next week, but you can judge the brain results for yourselves.
Journalwise: Kaiser sent me a letter by 'certified mail' dated 10-16-08 informing me that I had been 'recommended for a colonoscopy' by my 'primary care doctor' and to 'please make an appointment.' I had been putting it off, but blood in my poop got my attention. I tried to make an appointment using Kaiser's lobby phone (being paranoid, I try to avoid using our home phone). I made several attempts over several days. The folks at the gastroenterology department were either 'in a meeting' or otherwise busy. I was placed in a queue. I waited and waited, then gave up and went home. Eventually I reached them, but their appointments were booked until mid-December at least. I decided to report the bloody stools to Kaiser. I then discovered that the delusional doctor Koloszko had been assigned as my PCP. Barf. Doctor K stuck his finger up my poor butt searching for evidence of blood. No joy, therefore no emergency. I went downtown to the Kaiser G unit to make the appointment. They sent me down the hall to their version of the brown telephone. I was advised that this telephone would place me at the head of the queue. I got the usual message, but my call was answered in less than 5 minutes. Joy! They offered me an appointment on Christmas Eve. Rat fuck. Then on the day after Christmas (I think). I took it. Then, surprise, suprise! They had a cancelation! 'Would 1030 tomorrow morning be ok?' You betcha. I took it, forgetting about my INR problem: if the good doctor chopped out a polyp I might bleed embarrassingly. I would remember the INR problem only much later. A call to the Coag Unit returned the information that I would have to cancel the offer. I did so. So now it looks like early next year. I could go on and on, butt this is boring stuff.
Here is my current evaluation: My genetic tendency to overproduce hydrocloric acid, plus my consumption of caffine in the morning, plus my consumption of beer in the evening sometimes overcomes my antacid medication, resulting in so much acid production that it literally burns the last foot or so of my large bowel, resulting in painful peristalsis and bleeding the next day. Mind you, this is only a theory. A working theory. Beer tonight will test the theory.
I do have a way with words, sometimes, last week's entries being a case in point. The amazing thing is that I had planned a totally different series! But since this blog is also a sort of journal, and since I was already buzzing my brains out after having been ambushed by two small glasses of wine (while Kootch ate supper as we did 'Millionaire'), 'planning' gave way to 'journalizing.' I am happy to report that although the wine and whiskey more or less destroyed my brain for the night, my bowels were unaffected and I am now 'cured' for the time-being. Were I a scientist in the strict sense, I would repeat last week's scenerio at least one more time before returning to beer. But brain preceeds bowel, so tonight is beer night again. I will report the bowel results next week, but you can judge the brain results for yourselves.
Journalwise: Kaiser sent me a letter by 'certified mail' dated 10-16-08 informing me that I had been 'recommended for a colonoscopy' by my 'primary care doctor' and to 'please make an appointment.' I had been putting it off, but blood in my poop got my attention. I tried to make an appointment using Kaiser's lobby phone (being paranoid, I try to avoid using our home phone). I made several attempts over several days. The folks at the gastroenterology department were either 'in a meeting' or otherwise busy. I was placed in a queue. I waited and waited, then gave up and went home. Eventually I reached them, but their appointments were booked until mid-December at least. I decided to report the bloody stools to Kaiser. I then discovered that the delusional doctor Koloszko had been assigned as my PCP. Barf. Doctor K stuck his finger up my poor butt searching for evidence of blood. No joy, therefore no emergency. I went downtown to the Kaiser G unit to make the appointment. They sent me down the hall to their version of the brown telephone. I was advised that this telephone would place me at the head of the queue. I got the usual message, but my call was answered in less than 5 minutes. Joy! They offered me an appointment on Christmas Eve. Rat fuck. Then on the day after Christmas (I think). I took it. Then, surprise, suprise! They had a cancelation! 'Would 1030 tomorrow morning be ok?' You betcha. I took it, forgetting about my INR problem: if the good doctor chopped out a polyp I might bleed embarrassingly. I would remember the INR problem only much later. A call to the Coag Unit returned the information that I would have to cancel the offer. I did so. So now it looks like early next year. I could go on and on, butt this is boring stuff.
Here is my current evaluation: My genetic tendency to overproduce hydrocloric acid, plus my consumption of caffine in the morning, plus my consumption of beer in the evening sometimes overcomes my antacid medication, resulting in so much acid production that it literally burns the last foot or so of my large bowel, resulting in painful peristalsis and bleeding the next day. Mind you, this is only a theory. A working theory. Beer tonight will test the theory.
