Friday, October 24, 2008
I Am Become American
(2)
Number two. That's the problem. My GI upset begins with Hydrocloric Acid. Since I was about 20 years old I have been bothered by 'overacid stomach.' It began in 1955 when I began drinking coffee at Shiroi AFB Japan. I eventually discovered Alkeselzer. It cured my acid stomach. Burp.
Later, in the 60's, I dropped it in favor of (other antacids). My acid stomach continued to escalate, however, and I continued to escalate my medications. Enter Mylanta. I did Mylanta (and related medications) for many years. Those medications worked well over the years, but produced the side-effect that I would occasionally Poop in my pants while running to the bathroom. (Interesting experience. Try it. It's quite smelly but otherwise sensually interesting. Cleanup is, of course, onorous. Careful: neighbors might become attracted to the smell. You don't want that!)
Modern Science cured my problem with the introduction of modern antacids like Tagamet and Omaprazole. I stopped pooping in my pants. I became constipated instead. I got used to 'digging'
hard turds out with my fingers, then pooping out the rest. I learned how a woman feels while giving birth. It eventually dawned on me that I should poop any time I felt any urinary or alimentary discomfort whatsoever. As a result I have reversed my previous psychological anal state of 'retentive.' I am now 'anal expulsive.' I poop at the slightest sensual indication, bladder or otherwise. I have become an American. I fart often. I pee sitting down.
Number two. That's the problem. My GI upset begins with Hydrocloric Acid. Since I was about 20 years old I have been bothered by 'overacid stomach.' It began in 1955 when I began drinking coffee at Shiroi AFB Japan. I eventually discovered Alkeselzer. It cured my acid stomach. Burp.
Later, in the 60's, I dropped it in favor of (other antacids). My acid stomach continued to escalate, however, and I continued to escalate my medications. Enter Mylanta. I did Mylanta (and related medications) for many years. Those medications worked well over the years, but produced the side-effect that I would occasionally Poop in my pants while running to the bathroom. (Interesting experience. Try it. It's quite smelly but otherwise sensually interesting. Cleanup is, of course, onorous. Careful: neighbors might become attracted to the smell. You don't want that!)
Modern Science cured my problem with the introduction of modern antacids like Tagamet and Omaprazole. I stopped pooping in my pants. I became constipated instead. I got used to 'digging'
hard turds out with my fingers, then pooping out the rest. I learned how a woman feels while giving birth. It eventually dawned on me that I should poop any time I felt any urinary or alimentary discomfort whatsoever. As a result I have reversed my previous psychological anal state of 'retentive.' I am now 'anal expulsive.' I poop at the slightest sensual indication, bladder or otherwise. I have become an American. I fart often. I pee sitting down.
