Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The Rectal Examination
(3)
I explained to Anna that her 'diagnosis' of 'prostatitis' was dead wrong. She continued to frown. I further explained to her that my problem was sudden severe lower abdominal pain just above the pubic hair area associated with peristalsis and a bladder that was about half full. It seemed to me at the time that the problem would be immediately recognized by even an idiot. And Anna was an MD. Far from an idiot. I expected a diagnosis which would include at least a recommendation for a lower endoscopy, or possibly a sigmoidoscopy. Instead, I got a 'diagnosis' of acute prostatitis! HUH?!
Anna's reaction to my bowel problems led, of course, to the dreaded rectal examination. She had me lay down on the examining table. She covered me with a giant napkin. She felt my pubic area. I reported the pain 'just above the pubic hair area.' She then advised me to pull down my shorts to about mid-thigh, and turn 90 degrees to my left. She then donned latex gloves and slathered copious amounts of lubricant all around my ass hole. She then stuck her finger up my ass and felt around. It was a typical rectal examination. I was extremely embarrassed, of course, since I am not an 'anal erotic' or anything close.
She then 'felt' my prostate. I reported a slight burning sensation in the prostate area. (Just got the 'could not contact Blogger' message at that point... problem disappeared.)
Anna then terminated the rectal examination with a smile. With a smile! I deduced from that that she had seen my 'panty lines' (reddish gusset lines women typically get from their panties after sitting in the same position for a while). I thought, 'Oh well, there goes my secret.'
She returned to the computer without offering me a napkin with which to cleanse my slathered butt. I complained. She gave me a large napkin. I de-slathered my butt, then pulled up my panties and my shorts. I threw away the slathered napkin and sat upright. That pretty much ended the interview. She left the room for about a minute, then presented me with the documention of that visit. She then left the scene of the crime without further ado. I went home with the documentation folded inside my pocket. Later, I would be shocked by reading it.
Reading the documentation later I would be outraged. Next day (Tuesday) I would make another appointment with Doctor Anna. Tuesday was her day off. I arrived at Kaiser in the afternoon. There was no 'attendant' at the admissions desk. I waited. Eventually a nurse appeared. She claimed that there was no 'secretary' on duty that day. I made an appointment for the next day. She offered me a ten AM appointment. I was ready to take it, but then inquired whether there was also an afternoon appointment. She suggested two PM. I took it, explaining that my wife had the car in the mornings. She said something humerous and laughed.
I explained to Anna that her 'diagnosis' of 'prostatitis' was dead wrong. She continued to frown. I further explained to her that my problem was sudden severe lower abdominal pain just above the pubic hair area associated with peristalsis and a bladder that was about half full. It seemed to me at the time that the problem would be immediately recognized by even an idiot. And Anna was an MD. Far from an idiot. I expected a diagnosis which would include at least a recommendation for a lower endoscopy, or possibly a sigmoidoscopy. Instead, I got a 'diagnosis' of acute prostatitis! HUH?!
Anna's reaction to my bowel problems led, of course, to the dreaded rectal examination. She had me lay down on the examining table. She covered me with a giant napkin. She felt my pubic area. I reported the pain 'just above the pubic hair area.' She then advised me to pull down my shorts to about mid-thigh, and turn 90 degrees to my left. She then donned latex gloves and slathered copious amounts of lubricant all around my ass hole. She then stuck her finger up my ass and felt around. It was a typical rectal examination. I was extremely embarrassed, of course, since I am not an 'anal erotic' or anything close.
She then 'felt' my prostate. I reported a slight burning sensation in the prostate area. (Just got the 'could not contact Blogger' message at that point... problem disappeared.)
Anna then terminated the rectal examination with a smile. With a smile! I deduced from that that she had seen my 'panty lines' (reddish gusset lines women typically get from their panties after sitting in the same position for a while). I thought, 'Oh well, there goes my secret.'
She returned to the computer without offering me a napkin with which to cleanse my slathered butt. I complained. She gave me a large napkin. I de-slathered my butt, then pulled up my panties and my shorts. I threw away the slathered napkin and sat upright. That pretty much ended the interview. She left the room for about a minute, then presented me with the documention of that visit. She then left the scene of the crime without further ado. I went home with the documentation folded inside my pocket. Later, I would be shocked by reading it.
Reading the documentation later I would be outraged. Next day (Tuesday) I would make another appointment with Doctor Anna. Tuesday was her day off. I arrived at Kaiser in the afternoon. There was no 'attendant' at the admissions desk. I waited. Eventually a nurse appeared. She claimed that there was no 'secretary' on duty that day. I made an appointment for the next day. She offered me a ten AM appointment. I was ready to take it, but then inquired whether there was also an afternoon appointment. She suggested two PM. I took it, explaining that my wife had the car in the mornings. She said something humerous and laughed.
