Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The Real Reason Why God Hates Pig Meat
(2)
At this point I must address a fascinating chapter concerning 'pork.' Hitchens titles it, 'A Short Digression on the Pig.' Hitchens intended the chapter as an explanation of the Judeo-Muslim antipathy to pork. Good try but I don't buy it. Here is the real reason why the Judeo-Muslim god hates pork: pork fat.
As you mutilates out there already know, it is difficult for you to masturbate without the aid of a lubricant. Pork fat (lard) is a suitable lubricant for that purpose. So is olive oil. There are probably other natural lubricants out there and you would know more about that than I would. But pork fat was available before olive oil, therefore the ancient Jews masturbated using the natural lubricant then available, and that pissed off the Jewish god WHTZSNM, who promptly made pig meat taboo. But then along came olive oil, and unfortunately olive oil was also used to light up the temple. Barf. Furthermore, having already outlawed lard, WHTZSNM could hardly outlaw olive oil. People might begin to suspect something...
The result was that lard was the last (and perhaps the first) natural lubricant to be outlawed by the Jewish god WHTZSNM. He gave up after that, and failing prevention, mandated retribution. Illicit orgasms eventually merited the ultimate punishment.
Hitchens claims that pigs were especially loved in the ancient world as pets. Bullshit.
At this point I must address a fascinating chapter concerning 'pork.' Hitchens titles it, 'A Short Digression on the Pig.' Hitchens intended the chapter as an explanation of the Judeo-Muslim antipathy to pork. Good try but I don't buy it. Here is the real reason why the Judeo-Muslim god hates pork: pork fat.
As you mutilates out there already know, it is difficult for you to masturbate without the aid of a lubricant. Pork fat (lard) is a suitable lubricant for that purpose. So is olive oil. There are probably other natural lubricants out there and you would know more about that than I would. But pork fat was available before olive oil, therefore the ancient Jews masturbated using the natural lubricant then available, and that pissed off the Jewish god WHTZSNM, who promptly made pig meat taboo. But then along came olive oil, and unfortunately olive oil was also used to light up the temple. Barf. Furthermore, having already outlawed lard, WHTZSNM could hardly outlaw olive oil. People might begin to suspect something...
The result was that lard was the last (and perhaps the first) natural lubricant to be outlawed by the Jewish god WHTZSNM. He gave up after that, and failing prevention, mandated retribution. Illicit orgasms eventually merited the ultimate punishment.
Hitchens claims that pigs were especially loved in the ancient world as pets. Bullshit.
