Friday, March 02, 2007
Religious Underpants
(2)
You will quickly discover that - as in most everything - there are upsides and downsides. For example, aging men will welcome the little Jewish beenie which covers the bald spot on the rear of their heads. That is the upside. The downside concerns your penis which must be ceremoniously mutilated on the eighth day to signify to God that you intend to remain faithful to your new religion. (And by the way: you might as well remain faithful as 'promised,' because your penis will not revert to its original condition if you become an apostate. If such was the case there would be no such thing as a Jew Or a Muslim. Those religions would have died soon after birth. Indeed, both would have become stillborn.)
On the upside you will only be hated by Muslims, Christians having become passe'. This is a definite plus. And certainly America will rush to declare Israel the 51st state. That much is certain, given the new American demographic.
Would Islam be intimidated by this new religious arrangement? Probably not, but there is absolutely no question that Israel would be much safer in such a less hostile world, Christian hatred of Jews having been poofed out of existence for the most part.
There would be mass suicide, of course, by Christians who are unable to accept their default religious status. This 'demonstration' would be led by William Donohue, Pat Robertson, and Mel Gibson. I estimate that about 200 million Christians will partake, leaving about 800 million Christians up for religious grab, so to say. Of those 800 million I estimate that about 30 thousand will wholeheartedly become circumcised voluntarily. This leaves about 800 million former Christians non religio mentos, a significant number. Where will they go?
I figure that about another 30 thousand will become Animists, leaving almost 800 million ex-Christians sans underpants.
You will quickly discover that - as in most everything - there are upsides and downsides. For example, aging men will welcome the little Jewish beenie which covers the bald spot on the rear of their heads. That is the upside. The downside concerns your penis which must be ceremoniously mutilated on the eighth day to signify to God that you intend to remain faithful to your new religion. (And by the way: you might as well remain faithful as 'promised,' because your penis will not revert to its original condition if you become an apostate. If such was the case there would be no such thing as a Jew Or a Muslim. Those religions would have died soon after birth. Indeed, both would have become stillborn.)
On the upside you will only be hated by Muslims, Christians having become passe'. This is a definite plus. And certainly America will rush to declare Israel the 51st state. That much is certain, given the new American demographic.
Would Islam be intimidated by this new religious arrangement? Probably not, but there is absolutely no question that Israel would be much safer in such a less hostile world, Christian hatred of Jews having been poofed out of existence for the most part.
There would be mass suicide, of course, by Christians who are unable to accept their default religious status. This 'demonstration' would be led by William Donohue, Pat Robertson, and Mel Gibson. I estimate that about 200 million Christians will partake, leaving about 800 million Christians up for religious grab, so to say. Of those 800 million I estimate that about 30 thousand will wholeheartedly become circumcised voluntarily. This leaves about 800 million former Christians non religio mentos, a significant number. Where will they go?
I figure that about another 30 thousand will become Animists, leaving almost 800 million ex-Christians sans underpants.
