daily scratchpad

(4)

Which brings us to my current religious duty: informing God of the good news concerning Jesus. I have just now dialed 666 on the Brown Telephone and am waiting for an answer:
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gd: Hello?
me: Good news concerning Jesus!
gd: Thank you!
me: Jesus is not a chimp.
gd: Jesus is a corpse?
me: No. Jesus is not a chimp.
gd: How do you know that?
me: News reports. DNA evidence has pinned fatherhood on Conan, a male chimp residing in the group.
gd. Oh...
me: Forgive me, but You don't seem impressed. Is there a problem with Jesus?
gd: Are you recording this?
me: No. Should I be?
gd: No. May I be candid with you?
me: Please.
gd: Jesus is missing. We don't know where He is. For a while We thought He was a chimp, but now We are as much in the dark as ever. It has been over 2000 years and We are worried sick.
me: Are you saying that Jesus never returned after His crucifiction?
gd: Exactly. But We Know that He is on the way. We know that for an absolute fact.
me: Could it be a travel-time issue?
gd: Could be.
me: Where are you now?
gd: Without revealing too much I can tell you that We are in the general vicinity of Alpha Centauri.
me: Proxima Centauri?
gd: How did you know that?
me: What is Jesus' speed?
gd: 200 mph. The max.
me: Jesus will arrive in 12 million years.
gd: (hangs up)