Friday, February 23, 2007
Pottimus Adventuramus
(8)
As you might have guessed, it seemed to me that in view of recent developments it might not be inappropriate to call God on the Brown Telephone. I was obviously not about to die in the near future of colon cancer or stomach cancer. Would God have any comments on the subject? Would it be presumptive of me to brag to God concerning my apparent odds of living another ten years or so? I decided to give God a call. And remember that I am not above 'contempt as emotion!'
Not at all. I picked up the Brown Telephone and dialed 666:
gd: Hello?
me: It's me. Have You been following my recent excretory history?
gd: Is The Pope Catholic?
me: I thought so. Then You know the good news that I am not scheduled to die of colon cancer or stomach cancer in the near future.
gd: Apparently not. What is your point?
me: Just checking.
gd: Are you suggesting that I am interested in the grosser aspects of my beloved creations?
me: Not exactly. I only suggest that You might be interested in my bowel movements, not to mention my bladder contractions.
gd: I Am. You know I Am. As we both well know you have cultural excretory problems.
me: Celestial urinary problems?
gd: No such thing.
me Celestial doo-doo problems?
gd: Don't be silly. What is the purpose of this call? Do not call me again until you have new news of Jesus.
me: Do you follow Jesus' potty adventures?
gd: (hangs up)
As you might have guessed, it seemed to me that in view of recent developments it might not be inappropriate to call God on the Brown Telephone. I was obviously not about to die in the near future of colon cancer or stomach cancer. Would God have any comments on the subject? Would it be presumptive of me to brag to God concerning my apparent odds of living another ten years or so? I decided to give God a call. And remember that I am not above 'contempt as emotion!'
Not at all. I picked up the Brown Telephone and dialed 666:
gd: Hello?
me: It's me. Have You been following my recent excretory history?
gd: Is The Pope Catholic?
me: I thought so. Then You know the good news that I am not scheduled to die of colon cancer or stomach cancer in the near future.
gd: Apparently not. What is your point?
me: Just checking.
gd: Are you suggesting that I am interested in the grosser aspects of my beloved creations?
me: Not exactly. I only suggest that You might be interested in my bowel movements, not to mention my bladder contractions.
gd: I Am. You know I Am. As we both well know you have cultural excretory problems.
me: Celestial urinary problems?
gd: No such thing.
me Celestial doo-doo problems?
gd: Don't be silly. What is the purpose of this call? Do not call me again until you have new news of Jesus.
me: Do you follow Jesus' potty adventures?
gd: (hangs up)
